The Screen Behind the Mirror
by Rose Fright
Summary: Power may seem like everything, but when you are forced to use it in the worst of ways, It means nothing... Note: Centered around Ami and Hotaru. Gundam Pilots will appear after chapter 2. Chapter 11 is now up!
1. Endless Quest

*(A/N Ok, this is going to be my first GW/SM fan fiction. Just so you know ahead of time, the main stars of this story are Hotaru and Ami. They will not be sailor scouts though, they will have magical powers just like their planet's. Oh and the gundam pilots might appear in the next chapter or in the next three chapters ( I'm not sure when.) Another important note is that I don't know if I'll put couples in this story. Hotaru might seem a little more depressed then usual just for your info. Lastly, the titles of this fiction are from Enigma. ( probably haven't heard of them)*  
  
//thoughts// "what's being said"*( flashback )*  
  
~*~Disclaimer- I don't own anything but the plot of this story~*~  
  
The Screen Behind the Mirror: Endless Quest  
  
She walked along a narrow path, gentle rain soaked through her gothic like clothes. As she walked visions of her past replayed in her mind like some kind of horror movie. // All my life.I was only some type of failed experiment, he didn't give a damn about me. // She hated her father, because of him, her life was a living hell. She was forced to go to an orphanage w/ some sort of powers that she never knew she had. Hotaru was like a time bomb, by her will she could destroy the world. The only difference is that she had control over her powers. She viewed the world negatively because of being reborn so many times. She was void of emotions. She only had one friend. Everybody feared her. It was her deadly look, her pale skin, like she had no melanin. It wasn't like she didn't try, she did, but she ended up giving that up a long time ago. To put it simply, she was rejected. Like the saying says, people tend to fear what they don't understand.  
  
*( // Jeez, they don't have to be that loud //, Hotaru thought as foot steps seemed to be running nearer and nearer to her. Suddenly, she saw a blur role down the stairs which landed with a hard thud accompanied by an "oww." Hotaru ran down the stairs to see if the person was alright. When she reached the bottom she realized that it was a boy which had a leg that had been clearly broke // Idiot // Hotaru thought but didn't voice her opinion. Without hesitation, Hotaru gently lifted up her hand and let a purplish, black aura flow from her hand. The boy was in too bad of a state to retaliate. After she finished the boy quickly rose up and said " WHAT the hell did you just do to me?!?!" In a calm voice Hotaru said "I healed you, your leg was-" "Idiot, freak don't ever lay your hands on me again!!" The boy pushed her and ran away never realizing that she saved his life )*  
  
"Hehehehe, they're all idiots" I would of destroyed this world if I didn't have some sot of control over my emotions. There was only one person who cared, one person who gave a damn about me, // Ami. //  
  
*( " Class, we have a new student, her name is Ami Mizuno, please treat her with respect." The girl had short blue hair with blue eyes. "Ok, Ami will you please sit next too." // please don't let it be me, please don't let it be me.// "How about Hotaru" // damn! // The girl smiled a very gentle smile and walked to her seat quietly. When she sat down she looked at me and said a polite "hello."  
  
// Does she expect me to say 'hello' or something?' 'I'll just ignore her // thirty seconds later I noticed that she was still awaiting some kind of answer. // Gosh, she's annoying. // I finally decided to look at her, when I noticed something in her eyes. // Damn.they look exactly like mine. They have that same magic aura could she be, nah probably not. //  
  
I finally managed to say a quiet and annoyed "hey." That was our first conversation, well not a conversation, lets just say our first two words we said to each other. Little did I know that it wouldn't be our last. Later on that day, I was getting tired so I decided to skip my last period and go take a walk to my usual spot. In the woods behind the school. As I was walking, I saw a group of guys smoking pot. // Damn, why did they have to do this here in MY spot. O well, I never let this bother me before and hell if I'm going to start now. // I walked past them silently praying for them to leave me alone. My prayers were interrupted when one of the guys said " well what do we have here, some kind of gothic freak."  
  
// Why god, does this always have to happen to me. //  
  
One of the guys pulled out a knife an slashed me in the face. The familiar taste of ink trickled down my face. // Damn, that hurt. // If it was anytime I wanted to use my powers of destruction it was now.  
  
// No, I won't resort to something so low, even if they are bastards. O well, at least I'll finally die, wait no, I'll just be reborn, that'll get me nowhere. I guess my life is hell after all. //  
  
Suddenly, everything grew quiet, too quiet. A familiar aura of magic filled the air and a slight mist circled around the forest. The boys taunting and joking ceased and the only sound you could hear was a girl saying some kind of magic incantation.  
  
"Shine Aqua Illusion!"  
  
// That was a magic spell, but I haven't met anybody who could do that unless.//  
  
Before I knew it a fierce water spell came towards the boys and of course they ran away like cowards. I healed my wound and as I expected, had a hard time trying not to black out. But before I fell into the land of unconsciousness, I saw the person who I expected to see. A worried blue eyed girl with the same mysterious eyes as mine running toward me. By now her eyes clouded with worry and her short blue hair was flirting with the wind with each stride she took.  
  
"Ami" )*  
  
So, how did you like it? I thought it might be confusing but if you saw the show and know about Hotaru you'll probably know what's going on (at least I think). As I said before Hotaru and Ami aren't sailor scouts and will never be in this story. The only people who I'm considering putting in from Sailor Moon are the outers and Makoto (Lita). Oh, and the gundam pilots will appear later (I think I said that already). Well. who cares anyway. This story is probably not good but oh well.  
  
~*~please review~*~ 


	2. Age of Loneliness

PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR NOTE YOU MIGHT BE LOST IF YOU DON'T  
  
*(A/N - Hey! Thanks for the reviews. Now, I know this is long but oh well. Sorry to say this but I don't think this story will have couples. At first, I was going to put them in, but when I put the first chapter out, I realized that I liked the way I portrayed Hotaru & Ami. If I put couples in, the image I created for Hotaru and Ami wouldn't be there. Moreover, if you checked the genre, this fic is drama and angst. So, if you're looking for love and junk you're not going to find it here. I'm pretty sure the g-boys will be in the next chapter. If you haven't realized this yet, most of this fic is going to be in flashbacks where Hotaru will be looking back. The end of this chapter might be confusing and corny but you'll understand later on. Like I said before, I know some of this story is going to be confusing so if it is then PLEASE tell me cause I'm sure your not the only one who might be lost. Oh and the plot of this story is NOT I repeat NOT having little magical creatures trying to catch Hotaru & Ami. If you read some of the other SM/GW crossovers, you'll know what I mean. I think people should try to be more creative then having the sailor scouts betray each other all the time. Because that is being used TOO MUCH. It gets VERY boring after awhile. And again, I'm sorry this A/N was so long)*  
  
// thoughts // " what's being said " *( flashback )*  
  
~*~ Disclaimer - I don't own anything but the plot of this story ~*~  
  
The Screen Behind the Mirror: Age of Loneliness  
  
HACHOO! Damn I shouldn't have stayed out in the rain that long. Oh who cares sickness never stopped me before. Hotaru was now inside still looking at the rain out her window. " Gods tears eh." // Why do people try to understand the unknown and why does the unknown try to understand people. In the end, we'll just end up hurting each other //. I've been shunned, hated, betrayed you name it. I met you, a girl like me. I shunned you but you never shunned me. Our lonely hearts met, you made me complete. I once opened my heart to a person, one who would never care to understand, why?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
*( " This feels good," I said, as I found myself walking in the woods skipping yet another class.  
  
" Damn. These unexcused absences are going -"   
  
I thought aloud till' I heard some girl who had light brown hair crying. " Sigh " // my spots been violated. Oh well maybe I should just leave and catch up on my studies, hahahahaha catch up on my studies that's a funny idea //. I was beginning to walk away until I heard the girl say something.  
  
" Please, don't go."  
  
// How did I know you were going to say that. Now that I think about it, I really should catch up on my studies, I skipped this class this whole week //.  
  
" What do you want? " // oops that came out meaner than intended //   
  
" Company, its lonely out here."  
  
I would of left, no, I should of left if she hadn't said that word // lonely //.  
  
Over the next few month, we she began to open up to me. She wasn't that bad once you got to know her a little. Until that day, that day changed everything. I went to my spot and saw her there making out with some guy.  
  
// Gosh, not here idiots // I hid behind a tree, my conscious told me not to make my presence known. They stopped and the guy said, " where's that gothic girl you always hang around with?"  
  
" You mean Hotaru, just some freak who thinks I'm her friend "  
  
// Some freak eh //, just then I noticed a teacher looking for skippers. I ran in his direction without stopping and said " behind the biggest tree," then ran back to class. )*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hachoo! Damn cold. In the long run, she just ended up getting expelled. People these days never realize that doing shit like that to a person could scar them for life. It's funny how we tend to close the doors to our heart cause we're scared of letting someone in. Just so no one will know the TRUE us. But what do we do when we meet someone who wants to know the true us. Shouldn't we open our doors? In the end, we're all cowards we're just too scared and cautious to get hurt. When I met you, inside I always pleaded for you to never close my door,  
" you never did. "  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
*( I found myself late for another class walking in the hallway. // Ami saved me yesterday... she looked so worried //. Thoughts about her roamed through my head all day long. // Why would she save me... I tend to be rude... nobody likes me... yet maybe from the beginning she felt my magical aura, like I felt hers //. Hehe, I really am thinking about her a lot. I was alone in the hallway not really paying attention where I was going until I ran into something hard. " Omph, " I slowly looked up and found myself meeting a wall.  
  
" Now I'm the idiot "   
  
" No your not. "  
  
// Yep, your losing it Hotaru, your not only thinking bout' Ami, your hearing her voice //.   
  
I turned around thinking that nobody was there until I saw no one other than Ami standing in front of me.  
  
" Hi, I'm Ami, " she said in a very gentle voice as she stretched out her hand.  
  
I looked at her hand not really in the mood to shake it.  
  
"I already know your name."  
  
" So do I. "  
  
" Then why are you introducing yourself? "  
  
" Because we haven't talked or had a conversation yet. "  
  
" Yeah... I know "  
  
// Jeez, she wants to talk while I'm finally in the mood to make an effort to go to class //.  
  
I noticed her hand was still stretched out, waiting for some kind of introduction. // Damn, she's persistent //. Reluctantly, I held my hand out and mumbled a " Hotaru " and she smiled.  
  
I looked into her eyes noticing that they were flowing with that familiar magical aura. It was now more obvious than ever that she had magical powers. // Oh yeah, I haven't talked to her about that. To tell you the truth, I haven't talked to her about- //. My thoughts were interrupted when she said, " I think we need to talk. "  
  
" Funny, I was thinking the same thing. Do you want to go to the spot? "  
  
" In the woods behind the school? "  
  
" Yep that's the one, figures you wouldn't be slow "  
  
There was a comfortable silence while we were walking. Not one when you're scrambling for words to say in your head hoping you don't sound like a fool. I started to look at the trees until I remembered something.  
  
" Thanks... for saving me. "  
  
" Huh... Oh your welcome. "  
  
// Jeez, she said that as if she wasn't expecting me to say that //.   
  
" Hey, this tree is fine, " she said as she pointed to the right. I was happy to stop walking, mainly because I was growing curious about her but also I was getting tired. There was again a silence but now I think we were thinking of where to start. I decided to break the silence.   
  
" So, you specialize in water and ice."  
  
"Yep, and you with destruction and healing"  
  
" How did you know? "  
  
" I knew you could heal when I saw that the scar didn't stay on your face when I checked on you. "  
  
I waited silently for her to continue.  
  
" I knew about destruction when I saw your eyes... almost like you've seen too much... the pains of man... and the pains that lie deep in your heart. You're pretty strong to have not destroyed this world yet. "  
  
" I get tempted... a lot. "  
  
" Hehehe, you probably thought I was persistent, when you met me I mean. "   
  
" Yep, either that or crazy. "  
  
" Thought so. "  
  
There was another silence.   
  
" But... I knew you weren't. When you first came, I thought maybe you were like me, with magic powers but I wasn't sure. When you used your spell in the forest, I knew then that you weren't crazy and that you had powers... your eyes made it more obvious. "  
  
" So did yours, I usually don't go up to people like that but I was anxious to see did you have powers. I followed you to the forest, and when I saw that guy slash your face I noticed you didn't black out right away or anything. That's when I saw you heal the wounds on your face and ran to see if you were all right. They slashed you so bad that when I came and saw that nothing was wrong I was shocked. Any normal person would of had to be taken to the hospital right away. "  
  
" How do you know? " her eyes began to cloud a little and spoke almost emotionlessly, something I wouldn't expect from her.  
  
" I'm an orphan... my real parents died when I was young. My stepmother died shortly after. My step dad was a doctor but he... " I noticed how she seemed scared to go on and how her voice began to show a hint of sadness. " You don't have to go on, but it looks like we have something else in common besides powers. "   
  
She looked at me with a slight confusion but seemed like she knew what I was going to say.  
  
" Both of our pasts were clouded with pain, betrayal, loneliness. "  
  
There was a long silence. Ami decided to break it this time.  
  
" I got an idea, I know it sounds corny but lets look out for each other you know. "  
  
" You mean like friends? "  
  
" Yeah, so what do you say, I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me. "  
  
" Deal. "  
  
She smiled a gentle smile while the wind began to flirt with her hair and her eyes sparkled as the sun rays hit them.   
  
And for the first time since we met each other...  
  
I smiled back.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
" To lonely hearts meet only to join together and form anultimate bond that not even death can break. "  
  
~*~Please review~*~ 


	3. TNT for the Brain

*( Hey, Thanks for the reviews they were greatly appreciated. Unfortunately, this is going to be another long A/N (does anybody even read these). This chapter got out sooner than I expected. The gundam pilots will finally appear in this chapter. Just so you know ahead the second part of this fic might be a tender subject for some people. Also I'm making this up as I go basically I liked to be surprised on how I decide to end things. Another thing is these stories might take awhile to get out cause I'm concentrated more on school then my stories. So, if I take awhile to update just know that I haven't died or anything and I'll update as soon as I get a chance. Just so you know Hotaru and Ami go to a public school meaning in my mind they're not wearing uniforms. If you're wondering what they're wearing, hotaru is wearing some kind of gothic attire just like that in the anime (all black if I remember correctly). And Ami is wearing well... who cares just picture them in whatever you want. The gundam pilots are ex-pilots in this fic. Mainly because I hate writing action scenes but also because I haven't watched gundam wing in years (in other words they might be a little out of character). The next chapter will probably take awhile to get out just so you know ahead of time. Thank you for reading or at least scanning through this long author note. )*  
  
// thoughts // "what's being said" *( flashback )*  
~*~ Disclaimer- I don't own anything but the plot of this story ~*~  
The Screen behind the Mirror: T.N.T. For the Brain  
The rain finally stopped and my cold was beginning to show slight signs of improvement. For some reason, my mind kept wandering to the past. When people are misunderstood its amazing on how quickly we'll label them 'bad'. I always wonder why do we do that? In their eyes they might see something good but in the eyes of others why do we fail to see that same good. Is it because our minds are different even thought both person's brains are made up of the same substances. I learned not to judge people to quickly something we all should know how to do. Nevertheless, we as people could be ignorant. We might never take the time out to think why does this person do things so differently. Everyday I wonder inside this same question, why is that?  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
*( I was walking in the woods around lunchtime with Ami right beside me. I realized during this past few weeks that Ami was smart... well at least more serious about school then I was. We've been spending a lot of time together since last week. It was in a way a good feeling. It was almost like when you're fighting a battle and you see that the enemy is finally weakening. I began to know the true Ami and she began to know the true Hotaru. The bell just rang and it was time to go to my personal hell called school.  
  
My next class was chemistry. I sat in the back, the seat next to me was empty. It didn't bother me any, it meant that I didn't have to listen to some idiot telling me how weird I am for the whole period. I hated chemistry but little did I know that after this day I would hate it even more. It all happened when HE came. It wasn't the fact that I didn't like him... well I didn't but it was the fact that I didn't trust him, it was like he knew to much. He gave a strong impression that showed he wasn't who he was supposed to be. Also, his personality sucked... like mine.  
  
" Listen up we have a new student today, his name is Wufei Chang. Please show him respect, now why don't you sit next to..."  
  
I had that familiar feeling; the one I felt when I met Ami. Even though I prayed against it I had a strong feeling that the teacher was going to say my name.  
  
" How about... Hotaru".  
  
// Shit //, the guy had some kind of little ponytail and appeared to be Chinese. He walked up to the desolated desk next to mine and not that I cared but he looked at me as if I was inferior.   
  
// Damn, what's his problem //.  
  
I didn't bother looking at him; still there was something about him that I didn't trust. He appeared to be a normal school boy but I knew he wasn't. Also, it was beginning to get annoying when some of the girls looked back and smiled at him. It was so obvious that they liked him you could tell by their face getting redder and redder.   
  
// Idiots, they'd fall in love with a log if it looked cute enough //.  
  
The guy kept on mumbling stuff like 'weak onnas' and something about 'inferior'.  
  
// What the hell is his problem //.  
  
I got so tired of his stupid mumbling so I told him "will you please shut up".  
  
"You think I'm going to listen to some stupid girl telling me what to do".  
  
// Jeez! I've had about enough with him. What the hell is wrong with him. He acts like a devil and all these girls seem to think he's some saint //.  
  
"Bastard"  
  
"Hmph, bitch"  
  
That's it, I didn't care...I just didn't care anymore. I wanted to get out of this class. The teacher was blabbing on and on about finding the moles of a substance. My chemistry partner was an idiot, I don't want to even try to retaliate to this blockheads insults. He can think I'm a sissy for all I care I just want to get out... now! There was only one person I wanted to see... Ami.  
  
The teacher started to write down our homework assignment and let us loose saying to work on your homework and make sure you don't get too loud.  
  
I actually started to do my homework and for what I could see he did too until a swarm of girls went over to his desk and started talking to him. // Damn they're loud, they don't even know about his hatred toward women //. He started to say stuff like 'stupid onnas get away from me'.  
  
It was kind of funny cause they weren't listening to him. Too bad I didn't have time to laugh because they were too loud and were annoying the hell out of me. They were testing my patience. I guess I failed that test cause I walked out of the class right then and there. I saw that guy glance at me but then turned around. I was happy since the class was so loud nobody noticed me leaving except that Chang guy. I smile played on my lips when I realized that the guy was still suffering with all those girls back there.  
  
I was going to go to my spot until' I heard some voice from behind me say something.  
  
"Shouldn't you be in class"?  
  
I turned around only to meet cerulean eyes staring at me.  
  
"You don't know how happy I am to see you".  
  
"Same here, how was your class"? Ami said as her voice showed a little bit of worry.  
  
" *Sigh*, I don't even want to talk about it. I take it yours went bad since you're out here right now".  
  
"It was shit".  
  
Ami normally didn't curse so I guess her class was really like hell.  
  
"What happened"? I asked in a voice that showed a rare hint of concern.  
  
"This guy with a long braid came to our class today. He just couldn't shut up. He sat right next to me so it annoyed me more than anybody else in the class. These girls started to talk to him and smile while blushing. It was dumb because I couldn't understand how anybody could fall in love with someone at first glance. There was something about him though, its like he had some motive for being here. Anyway, I started to get mad when he started to talk to me. I just couldn't concentrate at all. I finally told him to 'please be quiet' but he still didn't listen. He kept on blabbing on and on. Finally I realized I wasn't going to get any work done so I walked out during the teacher's lecture."  
  
After she finished her long story, she did a deep sigh. I was somewhat surprised on how Ami's story was so similar to mine.   
  
"Jeez and I thought my class was bad".  
  
"Hotaru... Did some guy with a ponytail come to your class"?  
  
"Yeah, he's the reason I'm out here. How did you know"?  
  
"Well, Duo, the new guy that came today said that one of his friends were in your chemistry class... did you notice anything weird about him"?  
  
She said the last statement a little quieter.  
  
"Yeah... I didn't trust him, his eyes were... cold, well its like he's seen so many lives taken away and even took some away himself".  
  
"Thought so, I felt the same thing from the guy that came in my class too. I was thinking of going home to look up some stuff on them. Do you know that guys name"?  
  
"I think its Chang Wefui or maybe wufei... well one of those. Want me to help you"?  
  
"Yeah, if you don't mind"  
  
We began to walk away. I stopped dead when I saw that new guy in my class only now there were five of them.  
  
"Uuhhh Ami... do you mind if we go around"?  
  
"Why"? I didn't bother answering, the change of emotions on her face showed she saw what I meant. We calmly walked away so they wouldn't notice any sudden movements.  
  
"I don't think they noticed" Ami said in a hush tone of voice.  
  
"Yeah" I mentally laughed realizing that he skipped class early too. We walked the rest of the way silently. That was one of the reasons I liked Ami. You know the feeling when you're with people and it's so quiet, it could make you feel like you should be talking. I never get that feeling around Ami. There was always a comfortable silence around us.  
  
We finally made it to Ami's apartment. She lived alone like me. We both lived off the inheritance our parents left us.  
  
"Do you have anything to eat"?  
  
"Yeah check the fridge," Ami said while typing something on the computer.  
  
"That's weird" Ami said while looking off the computer screen. "Remember those five guys we saw in the forest that just came to school today"?  
  
I looked at her silently telling her to go on.  
  
"All five of them enrolled the same day and have no kind of connection with each other at all except maybe being friends and look at their record". I walked over to the computer screen. "It's clean, almost like their hiding something..."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
Umm Ami...just out of curiosity, why are you making such a big deal about this? I mean, yes, I sense something weird about them too but still... you seem kind of freaked out about-" Ami interrupted me something she rarely did.  
  
"Have you ever heard of the gundam pilots"?  
  
"Yeah... there was a big deal about them awhile back... everybody forgot about them though".  
  
"Its uncanny isn't it, I mean after they destroyed their gundams everybody forgot about the whole incident including them... Its just weird... Its not everyday when there's this big war is going on and it's the center of attention and when its over everybody, every book, everything acts like the war never happened... almost like history was erased. If they are the gundam pilots I think they came here because of a mission".   
  
"So basically, you're saying that they're here for a reason but... I'm having a hard time thinking of what that reason is".  
  
"Yeah, same here. I mean if they're gundam pilots what would they want at a public local high school? There's nothing special about this place and I seriously doubt they came here for the fun of it".  
  
There was another long silence; the only sound that could be heard was the humming of the computer.  
  
"Let's just wait it out Ami, I'll try to keep an eye on them ok".  
  
Sure... umm Hotaru"?  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Can you make sure you don't use your powers publicly"?  
  
"Sure, Are you thinking they might be here because of magic".  
  
"Don't know, just look around if you're going to use magic."  
  
"Ok"  
  
I had hunch that Ami might be worried that the gundam pilots came here to investigate some sort of magic. Why would they do that? Wait a minute; magic hasn't been introduced to the world yet. I forgot that cause it seemed so common for Ami and I to use magic. To others though it had been some unexplainable force. That's why she didn't let the guys see her when she helped me in the forest last week. Jeez, I'm slow... well I guess I just wasn't that worried about it. Could Ami be thinking that all along? That the gundam pilots came here to see if magic really existed. Why now and here of all places, shouldn't they have done that a long time ago?  
  
"Hotaru... "  
  
"Yeah... " There was a moment of mutual understanding. I finally realized why Ami freaked out about them. Without saying or thinking we both said something in unison that might change out lives forever.  
  
"Something's coming... " )*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
We all like to think we have a strong mind... or at least want people to think we do. We all put up some kind of front trying to lead ourselves into thing that nothing's wrong until its too late. I saw you everyday... I saw death flow all over your face. I knew you were hurting because I felt it... no I feel it myself. But I'm thoughtless... I'm a chicken... why didn't I do something about it?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
*( *Sigh*, another boring day in school... no hell. I walked through my familiar spot debating on whether to skip my next class or not. As I kept on walking, I saw this figure in the distance. It was obviously one of a freshman who was holding this blood red rose. // What's she doing here and why is she so depressed. I see her around school and she's usually so happy //.  
  
I should have said something encouraging. Why? Because I saw doom and death written all over her face. Kind of like mine... except she'll have no rebirth. // Oh well, she'll get over it //. Those words didn't take away her hopeless look and never did. When I reached her, she looked at me then smiled a gentle smile yet tears threatened to fall down her face. I smiled back and walked away.  
  
For the next few days, I saw her sitting under the same tree holding the same blood red rose swirling it around her small fingers. // Gosh, she looks even more depressed than me //. I was fixing to walk away until she said something.  
  
"What do you think of life?"  
  
"What do I think? It could be hell sometimes... well most of the time in my case but it's worth living". I had a hard time believing my words, but if it'll make her feel better then oh well.  
  
"Do you know when you lost it all? That feeling that nobody will ever be there for you".  
  
"..." Yeah I feel it everyday when I wake up.  
  
"I'm sure you know what I'm talking about".  
  
"... Of course we all feel it". I was trying to think of something encouraging to say. For some reason though a strong aura of death surrounded her. I should know cause that's my specialty.  
  
"I feel it even more"  
  
"Maybe you should go back to-"  
  
"No, the old saying says every end must have a beginning and every beginning must have an end". She kept on blabbing on.  
  
I was growing tired of listening to her rambling on and on about how sorry she feels for herself. I didn't talk to her to hear her talk about how life isn't fair. I learned that lesson a long time ago and reviews of that lesson pop up every frigging day of my entire life. She really thinks she's the only person who's ever hurt. I just couldn't take it so I began to walk away.  
  
"Looks like you'll leave me too".  
  
I stopped walking, looked back, and told her something. When I think back on it I could have been to hard on her but you can't bring back the past.  
  
"Listen, we all have to take a trip to hell sometimes. Some more than others, but the important thing is that we make it back. The way you're going with that attitude you'll be there for a long time".  
  
"Longer than you think".  
  
I ignored the last statement and had the strongest feeling that she was going to die. Too bad though, I didn't think it would be so soon.  
  
I walked away and stopped dead in my tracks when a gunshot rang throughout the forest.   
  
I slowly turned my head toward her direction and blood flowing down her head mixed with tears still falling down her pale face.  
  
For some reason that taste of ink filled my mouth. It wasn't sad... well to a degree it was but you can't change the will of ones own mind.  
  
I looked down at the ground and saw that blood red rose. I gently picked it up and placed it on her chest. I said a quick prayer and walked away. This would be a bad scene to be caught up in.  
  
As I walked away, I started to think of how weak would you have to be to realize that nothing... not a person... a place... not even death could repair your forever-shattered heart.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dangerous Mind  
  
Why do you hate to be weak?  
Why do you want to be strong?  
Do you truly hate to endure the pain  
that you felt for so long?  
Is it a crime to take away your life  
Just so you can take away the pain?  
Or do you just choose to ignore the people  
Worst off in a different domain?  
Why do you try to hold back the tears...  
The tears that threaten to fall?  
Do you truly think that ending your life  
will mean your weak after all?  
I see you holding that weapon  
not the gun or the knife  
But something that lies within...  
Called your dangerous mind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
*( A/N- I just wanted to say I wrote this whole chapter INCLUDING the poem at the end. Therefore, I'm practically begging you to PLEASE don't plagiarize it. I worked so hard on it; I would never copy anybody's work and claim it for my own and I beg that you don't do the same. Just so you know I trust y'all cause if I didn't I honestly wouldn't of posted this poem. Much thanks for reading and please tell me what you think. )*  
  
~*~Sayonara, please review~*~ 


	4. Morphing Thru Time

*( A/N Hey! Thanks for the reviews. I thank the people who review all my chapters. It helps me know that someone is interested in my story. I didn't think I would have this chapter out this early. Oh yeah, I know this isn't how Hotaru's life goes in the anime; I decided to change her story a bit. If you notice, in some parts I implied a bit romance; still I will not do couples for the reasons stated in my last chapters. Well words are short and I need to shut up. ( Thanks again for the people who read the author notes.)*  
  
.:*:.Disclaimer - I don't own anything but the plot of my story.:*:.  
  
The Screen Behind the Mirror - Morphing Thru Time   
  
It was a long time ago…I don't want to remember but I do. I don't want to think about this but it always roams my mind. You were my first real father, yet I never understood you. Always in your lab doing experiments. It's your fault…it's all your fault, at least that's what I said then. You always wondered about my powers and what made me have it. It was always like that, I can remember it…but please…don't make me.  
  
.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.  
  
*( I walked casually down the school halls. As I continued walking, I heard a faint sound of someone crying. I saw a red stain of blood off in the distance and began to quicken my pace. When I got there, I saw a girl crying with accompanied by an unconscious guy.  
  
  
  
" Please be alright, "said the crying girl.  
  
// Be alright…this guy is way far from dead.// I let a cold purplish aura flow from my hand, his wounds healed up fast. Unfortunately, they both saw what I did.  
  
// *Sigh* here it goes again //.  
  
" What the hell did you do to me?!" said the boy  
  
Isn't it obvio-"  
  
" Just stay the hell away from us you freak!" They both walked away  
  
// I just saved his life and they call me a freak…excuse me for caring //. The rest of the day went normal, being teased, ignored etc. School was finally over; it was time to get away from this hell yet walk into another one…home.  
  
  
  
When I got home, I saw my dad in the living room reading a book. He looked at me and smiled very gently, ( not the one when he is in his hysterical mood ).  
  
"How was your day?" said my father  
  
" *Sigh*, the same as always."  
  
There was a long moment of silence.  
  
" I can see you used your powers…you seem weak."  
  
" Yeah, I healed this guy."  
  
" You should rest." I nodded my head and left the room.   
  
// Dad doesn't care about me…just my powers.//  
  
I sat on my bed and decided to do my homework. While I was working dad came in with a tray.  
  
" I bought some tea and a snack just in case you want some."  
  
I was surprised I never expected my father to do this. I didn't even know I was mumbling.  
  
"…You do care…"  
  
" I'm sorry I didn't hear what you said"  
  
" …I mean thanks…dad."  
  
He smiled and walked away. I was happy yet sad cause I was so blind before. He cared about me all along…I was just too ignorant to see it.   
  
My thoughts were interrupted by a loud boom.  
  
// It came from the lab…no.//  
  
When I came in, I saw a figure in the distance. I started to run in that direction.  
  
// …Please…//  
  
  
  
I felt tears forming at the back of my eyes  
  
// …Not now…please not now //  
  
When I reached the figure, I saw it… no him. Tears threatened to fall down my face and I had a hard time trying to withdraw my face away from his… yet…he looked so peaceful. I didn't know what to do. I just gently wrapped his hand with mine.  
  
" …Daddy…don't leave me now…won't you stay with me…you can't leave me alone…please live." I was now the crying girl I saw earlier today yet my case couldn't be fixed with magic.  
  
He held my hand tight then let go. I lost a lot of things that day yet I learned a lot too. One thing I learned is how to cry…that forbidden feeling I thought I would never feel. I just let those wet tears fall down my face; I didn't care though…because now I was alone…truly alone. )*  
  
.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.  
  
After that I want through countless parents and rebirths…only to start think that maybe it was my destiny to be alone. Why was I mad at my real father? Simple…he left me alone…I liked to think that if he wasn't a scientist this wouldn't of happened, yet in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't true. It was all thanks to a little thing called fate. At times, we like to blame our mistakes and/or crappy life on someone else. We just can't walk around and think its no one or our own fault. It's because we can be weak at times…we want to blame everybody else, yet we never like to look at ourselves.  
  
.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.  
  
*( It was time for school; my body ached and told me to skip. I knew I couldn't on the account of I skipped way too much and I still need to catch up on my schoolwork. When I reached school, I saw Ami off in a distance waiting for me.  
  
" Hey," I said in a casual way.  
  
" Hi Hotaru…you seem kind of tired." That's Ami for you, always seeing past my fronts I try to make.  
  
" I wasn't too excited about school today."  
  
" Is it because of your chemistry partner," Ami said but knew what the answer was going to be.  
  
"Yeah…we have a chemistry experiment today. The teacher had the nerve to say that this counts 3 times as a test grade. I mean what kind shit is that…can't he realize I'm already doing bad in his class with all the absences I have. Then he had the nerve to sit that Chang guy next to me who acts like a…" I kept on rambling on and on.  
  
Ami started to laugh and it made me shut up and smile. It's weird cause Ami always makes me feel happier…I don't know why but she does.   
  
" Hotaru, we should be going to class…"  
  
" Yeah, wouldn't want to make you late."  
  
" You should go too."  
  
" Don't worry Ami I'll go."  
  
As the day grew on, I started to get tired. Finally, the lunch bell rang and I left my class.   
  
" Hey Hotaru." I mentally jumped  
  
" Jeez, Ami you always sneak up on people… I wished you'd stop"  
  
Ami just smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. // Why do I feel so happy around you? //  
  
While we were eating, I started to think about the gundam pilots.   
  
" Hey Ami…if those guys operate little robots, shouldn't they be smart."  
  
" Yeah… you know, now that you say that the pilots should already know all the material the teacher's present them."  
  
" You think they're smarter than you?" I said with a smirk on my face.  
  
" Hotaru this is serious…remember when we looked at their record?"  
  
" Yeah, we saw it last week."  
  
" Everything about them is just too perfect."  
  
"Except their personality…listen I'm good at reading people and I'm positive that I see death in their eyes." * Ring *  
  
"Damn… class starts already…Hotaru, I'll try to talk some things over with Duo and you-"  
  
" If you're trying to tell me to talk to Wefui-"  
  
" Wufei"  
  
"Whatever, he has got on my nerves ever since he got here."  
  
" Please try…"  
  
" * Sigh * ok but I'm not going to guarantee anything."  
  
Ami smiled and said, " let's go."   
  
We both walked to our classes, I personally hated to go to any class but chemistry just about did it. // Now I'll have to work with that bastard //. The guy with the ponytail in Ami's class annoys her but they're opposites. He's loud and outgoing, Ami's quiet and laid back. I always tell Ami that opposites attract but she just tells me to shut up. Wufei's personality sucks…like mine, we're more alike then we want to admit…that's probably why we can't stand each other.  
  
Ami and I parted and I walked to my newfound hell. My spirits lowered when I saw him sitting there.   
  
// I hate my life //  
  
The teacher was trying to shut everybody up like always and I took my seat. About a minute later, the class quieted down   
  
" Ok class, as you know were going to do a experiment today." The teacher kept on blabbering on about to make sure you write the molarity of the substance etc. Finally, he shut up and let us loose. I heard Wefui or whatever mumbling something like "reduced to this". He turned his head toward me and spoke.  
  
"Do you know what to do."?  
  
"Umm…I did this awhile back but can't remember."  
  
"Hmph"  
  
" What's that supposed to mean"?  
  
" Idiot, I'll do it, I learned this years ago…it's amazing how it hasn't left my mind."  
  
// Ok Hotaru, don't get mad, just relax. I should just ask him where he came from so Ami can't say I didn't try to get some information.//  
  
" Where did you transfer from?" I said in a tone trying to act nice.  
  
Wufei just ignored me and started to pick up a test tube.  
  
" Jeez, you're a bastard." I said more to myself than him.  
  
He put the test tube on the rack and just stared at me…I stared back.  
  
// He's cute in a way but his attitude sucks //. For some reason we kept on staring at each other till the teacher stopped us.  
  
" Can we please start working."? I looked at the teacher then at the untouched stuff needed for the experiment and handed Wufei a test tube. We didn't blush…just kept on working like that never happened.  
  
" I could be asking you the same question."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
" You don't look or act like anybody here…you stand out." Wufei said as he was mixing some substances.  
  
" Hmph, who would want to look or act like these people around here…you know you still haven't answered my question." I said in an annoyed voice.  
  
" Nowhere you'd know…hand me that beaker over there." I would have said no but since I'm not doing anything, I might as well participate in some way.  
  
" You're dodging my question Wefui."  
  
"Wufei"  
  
"Whatever, why can't you at least tell me where you're from."  
  
" Why can't you at least shut up."?  
  
// If this experiment didn't count so much I would of left…no I wouldn't even be here. I tried to act nice but it didn't work. I'm sorry Ami, I know I failed but it's impossible to work with this guy. I hate him so much…but I tried so hard to act nice.// My thoughts were interrupted by Wufei saying something.  
  
" Hey…hey onna."  
  
" Hotaru."  
  
" Whatever, heat this up with the burner."  
  
When I got the test tube out of his hands I began to sense these weird feelings from him.  
  
" I sense…mixed emotions from you," I said without looking at him.  
  
" Sense?"  
  
Since I didn't feel like talking I just nodded. I was tired of arguing, I just wanted to get away from this bastard…no this class.  
  
This class didn't help anybody's situation. It just made our suspicions of each other grow stronger. I just wasted my time…that's all this is…a waste of time.  
  
The class finally ended. " I can't believe I lasted that whole period with him."  
  
" I can't either" I turned around calmly cause I knew who that voice belonged to.  
  
" Ami…"  
  
" So, how was your class?"  
  
"Please don't make me remember it…you?"  
  
" Same, Duo blabbed and flirted through the period and I couldn't concentrate worth shit, the class got loud and I managed to leave without anybody noticing. I found out some information about those guys, though."   
  
I smiled and noticed we were already in the forest. My smile came to a frown when I saw him with those four other guys. Ami looked at me and we both nodded, we calmly walked away yet I guess the gods were against us cause the guy with the long ponytail saw us.  
  
" Hey Ami, Can I talk to you for a sec?!!"  
  
Ami looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I knew going over there was the last thing on her list.  
  
" Well Ami, I'll just wait for you here." I said with a supporting smile on my face.  
  
" No, you're going too." I couldn't refuse cause I knew Ami would of done the same thing if I was in her situation, so I loyally followed.  
  
When we reached there, Ami tried in a way to act happy yet it failed greatly. I didn't even bother trying…I was annoyed.  
  
I looked at my surroundings; there was a guy (who I think was Japanese) with gravity defying hair who was leaned against a tree. He appeared to be sleeping yet I knew he wasn't. Somewhere near him was the bastard AKA Wufei leaning against a tree, acting like he wanted no part in whatever they were doing. Somewhere along the side was a Japanese guy with messy chestnut brown hair. I saw him around school his face showed no emotion. The last guy was someone with blond hair, he appeared to be Arabian. Also, he seemed like the only nice one besides the American guy with the long ponytail. Speaking of which he began to speak up.  
  
  
  
" Do you know if we had any homework In English?"  
  
Ami mumbled something like " you wouldn't know would you." I think the guys heard her.  
  
"What" said…I think his name is Duo.  
  
Ami coughed and said, " I mean no… I left early"  
  
" You did, I didn't notice… oh well, it was probably easy anyway. Hey, you haven't met them have you?"  
  
" Umm…no but-" Ami was about to give an excuse to leave but Duo started doing introductions.  
  
" Guys this is Ami and you are…"  
  
"…Hotaru." Duo smiled and finished up the introductions  
  
" The guy with the blond hair is Quatre, the other one with the messy short hair is Heero, the one next to him is Trowa and…you already know Wufei right."  
  
" More or less." Quatre was the only one who said "nice to meet you"… the rest acknowledged our presence by shaking their head.  
  
// Note to self- they need to work on their conversation skills… so do I. //   
  
Ami finally said, " we have to go but it was nice meeting you"   
  
" Yeah…"  
  
As we neared the end of the forest Ami smiled and said, " what do you think?"  
  
" They're pretty cute," I said with a smirk on my face. Ami smiled but a serious look quickly formed which told me to get serious.  
  
" *Sigh* I felt pretty uncomfortable around them, It was like they were examining our reactions to everything"  
  
" I felt the same thing from them…oh yeah I forgot to tell you something I saw in English"  
  
I looked at her and she said " but I'll tell you later."  
  
We finally reached Ami's apartment.  
  
" Hotaru…thanks for coming with me"  
  
"Huh… oh we're friends right" Ami gave one of her smiles, which for some reason made me feel better. Why am I not depressed…why does Ami make me feel more happy. I just don't understand.  
  
" Hotaru… I'm glad you're here…"   
  
There was a long moment of silence   
  
It hit me…It finally hit me. Ami makes me feel good because I never had anybody there to understand or even want to understand me. I never had anybody to truly care about me…or anybody to escape too. It sounds corny but I finally know why…why I'm truly happy.  
  
"Me too." )*  
  
.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.*.:':.  
  
*( A/N - Sorry to butt in again. You wouldn't believe how hard of a time I had with the introduction scene. I tried not to get everybody too much out of character. It was hard to think of what everybody would say and I had a hard time remembering how the pilots were in the anime. Anyway, Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think. )*   
  
.:*:. Please review .:*:. 


	5. Beyond the Invisible

*(A/N - Again, thanks for the reviews; it's great to know that people read my story. I'm sorry about the last chapter, I read over it and realized the words and spaces were kind of screwed up when I was uploading it which made it hard to understand. I'm sorry I'll try to fix it as soon as I can. Sorry again for not putting out this chapter out sooner. It's a good thing finals are finally over. ( again thanks for reading)*  
  
// Thoughts// "What's being said" *( Flashback )*  
  
* Disclaimer - I don't own anything but the plot of this story.*  
  
The Screen Behind the Mirror - Beyond the Invisible  
  
Life, the most difficult thing that we must deal with. For so long I've been eternally alone. I didn't…no, I wouldn't let it show. It hurt so much to realize that I'll have to live this hell called my life for eternity.  
  
*( I didn't stay that long at the orphanage I went to. The people there were…well to put it shortly, different, like me in a way yet not so. My roommate was the most annoying of them all…probably a side effect of losing her parents. Speaking of which, here she comes now.  
  
"You're here again," she said in an annoyed voice. Ever since I came here I just ignored her but week after week it's getting harder to do so.  
  
"You know I don't understand you, always sitting in this room with the lights off. Why do you always wear black and-"  
  
"Can you shut up?" I shouldn't have said that, I just know she's going to go off…like the silence before the storm.  
  
"What the hell is your problem!?!"  
  
"What's your problem?"  
  
"…" I left her speechless.  
  
My roommate left the room and I was glad because my head was killing me. It's always like this, I don't understand myself. I know I can heal but it's as if something else is there inside me. Something extremely deadly, like some kind of uncontrollable beast.  
  
A few hours later it was time to eat dinner and go to bed etc. Unfortunately, my head was still killing me. I knew I couldn't complain to the instructor because this headache seemed so abnormal in every way.  
  
The lights were out and I was laying there looking at a random spot in the ceiling that for some reason caught my undivided attention. My head hurt, my roommate was snoring, and I felt like I was splitting from my body. Things couldn't get any worse, of course almost instantaneously, it did.   
  
My headache got worse even though it seemed almost impossible since it was bad from the beginning. It felt like something was eating and eating me. I couldn't take, my vision began to fade and I immediately sat up to try and regain my focus.  
  
Suddenly, I started to hear so many ancient words jumble up in my head. It said something like…well I don't know; only a few words were clear to me. To tell the truth, I really don't want to know what anything is trying to tell me at this hellish moment. Then I noticed a weird light from the corner of my eye. I looked down and realized (rather late) that my hands were glowing this eerie greenish kind of color, // what the hell is happening to me. //  
  
Once again, words came into my head and I tried to ignore it for a second time. It started to get louder and louder until I realized that it wasn't going to leave me alone. Only four words jumped out at me, death...reborn…revolution...don't. The question on how I deciphered this ancient language or how I knew it was an ancient language rested in my mind. Either way I had no clue what it was trying to say and didn't care because my headache was beyond control at the moment.  
  
// it hurts so much…I can't take it; I just can't...TAKE IT ANYMORE! //  
  
Then it happened; everything snapped, I felt like I had no control over my body. I noticed my body getting up, I tried to tell myself not to but it didn't work. Then it ran to the door, opened it, and ran out. I told my body to stop but again it didn't listen. It ran into the dark and bleak street and stopped to look around. Then it turned to the right and ran down the sidewalk.  
  
// Damn, this is so weird watching your own body move on its own.//  
  
It kept on running and I noticed that there was a rose bush in the way. My feeble attempts to tell my body to move out of the way didn't work. It ran right through the bushes, I saw blood seek through the torn pieces on my dress and then realized that someone was controlling my body. If I was possessed then, the thing that possessed me would have felt that.  
  
It ran down the street with a trail of blood from the wounds flowing behind. My body suddenly ran off course, it turned to the woods and rapidly sprinted in little zigzags avoiding the trees. It suddenly stopped looked down and I realized that there was a 15 meter steep cliff below us, // no…don't do it //. I knew my brain or whoever was controlling me wasn't listening on the account that it didn't listen before.  
  
It jumped down and of course I didn't feel pain because I really wasn't in my body or I was…never mind, this is just confusing me. It ran to the center and stopped… it was quiet. I felt a gentle wind flow throughout the forest. Then I regained control of my body and at that very moment a huge surge of pained filled my body from the previous happenings and I ended up unconscious.  
  
When I woke up I tried to focus my eyes and sit up but my body wouldn't let me. Only thing I knew was that I was in this dark kind of spacey room thing and it was unbelievingly cold. I felt goose bumps spread throughout my body and then noticed a dark figure in the corner of my eye. It had some kind of ancient robe on and a hood over its head. It held this long glaive in its left hand. Then a spell rang through the room and I finally realized…I finally realized it.  
  
I was not unconscious or sleeping. I don't know why or how it happened but for some unknown reason…I'm dead.)*  
  
Death, that feeling is so familiar to me. I never wanted to live to see everybody's mistakes repeated over and over; but I have. I never wanted this power; but I have it. Most of all, I never wanted to be reborn over and over; but I have to. I once made a promise or someone to visit me in their or my death…you always kept that promise, Ami.  
  
*( I was at Ami's apartment talking about… well nothing in particular before school. I then remembered something that was once told to be important.  
  
"Ami, you said you saw something in English"  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot," a grin played on Ami's face. "I saw a gundam tattooed on Duo's arm" Ami's grin disappeared and came to a serious face, "Shinegami."  
  
"So what," I had a hard time connecting Ami's ideas with my own.  
  
"Well all this time you've been trying to say that Duo and me belong together when it should be you and duo. Do you get it…your like the queen of destruction so technically your Shinemegami".  
  
I smiled for a moment at Ami's awkwardness but what she said technically was true except for the part of me and duo being together.  
  
"Please don't tell me this is what you've been trying to tell me".  
  
"Of course not, but it does have to do with the fact that shinegami was tattooed on duo's arm."  
  
I waited silently for her to continue.  
  
"What does Shinegami Mean?"  
  
"God of death."  
  
"Well, what did one particular G-pilot always call himself during the war?"  
  
"I'm not sure but I read some time ago that one of them called himself shinegami. Look Ami, I'm really not in the mood to play Blue's Clues, can you please get to the point"  
  
"Well I finally found some evidence that they are gundam pilots. The gundam that was tattooed on duo's arm was called Deathscythe. If no one remembers the war then why would they have that on their arm?"  
  
"Why didn't you say so from the beginning?"  
  
Ami smiled and said, "I tried to build up suspense"  
  
I sighed but couldn't help but smile "I guess we should get to school before we're late…or we could skip."  
  
"We could…but can't because we have a test in history."  
  
"Oh well, let's go."  
  
We both picked up our things and left. Before Ami locked her door she spoke.  
  
"Y'know, Hotaru why don't we drive today?"  
  
"Why…?"  
  
"I guess we can…but we'll still be late."  
  
"I don't care," Ami said with one of her carefree smiles.   
  
Ami and I skip because I've been through so many schools through all my lives, it isn't even funny and Ami's IQ is at and even above college level. It makes sense once you think about it. Also we both have our driver's license, yet for some reason we rather walk instead of drive unless we're in a lazy mood. When we reached school we were late.  
  
"I guess we can skip 1st period since we're this late," Ami said with a smile.  
  
"You had this planned all along didn't you?"  
  
"Why don't we go to your spot," Ami said, changing the subject.  
  
When we reached the spot we sat down and there was a peaceful silence. I always love these times…when your just sit-.  
  
"Hotaru…there's still something I haven't told you yet," Ami said interrupting my thoughts.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We have to do a project…my partner's duo."  
  
"So…"  
  
"He's going to come over today and-"  
  
"You want me to come too… Ami you need to remember that I'm your friend and not some stranger. I mean, you would have done the same thing for me."  
  
"I know, I just thought you wouldn't want to do it."  
  
"I don't, but anyway what do you have to do?"  
  
"It's easy actually; we have to examine flaws in some of Shakespeare's plays."  
  
"Duo has to come over to your apartment for that?"  
  
"He thinks so…"  
  
"You know, things would be so much easier if they just had pictures of the g-pilots."  
  
"Yeah, it's a shame they were all erased…or at least said to be erased."  
  
There was another moment of silence, the leaves on the trees rustled. The wind flirted with the feeble looking grass. I glanced over at Ami…her eye's were closed which telepathically told me to close mine…I did. Not one thought clouded our minds.  
  
*Ring*  
  
Both Ami and my eyes opened, and my mind shot back to reality. I felt so solemn to be brought back to this hellish school.  
  
"Shall we go," Ami said as we stood up and reached out her hand. It basically told me that I was going even if I didn't want to, which I don't.  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
We reached our next class, which was History…wait a minute.  
  
"Ami…I got an idea," I whispered over to her.  
  
"Wait, let me guess, you want to talk to the history teacher."  
  
"Yeah, I mean if anybody should remember the war it has to be this old fart. Most old people like to reminisce on the past."  
  
"Actually, that's a good idea… we could talk to him after class."  
  
"This is turning out to be a mystery…a really corny mystery."  
  
"Like the Hardy Boys?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never mind…"  
  
"No wait, isn't that the old mystery book series?"  
  
"You know what it is?" Ami whispered in shock  
  
Almost embarrassingly I said, "I lived for a long time…I had to do something to occupy myself."  
  
"Right, I forgot."  
  
About ten minutes later the bell rang and students left the classroom. It was empty and silent; the only sound that could be heard was the teacher writing something and our quiet footsteps. We reached the desk and I looked at the teacher for the first time…well first time this close. Gray streaks ran all over his hair and the wrinkles showed almost like ditches on a battlefield. He casually looked up, smiled and said, "What can I do for you ladies."   
  
"I was just wondering, what was the last war we were in…the one involving the colonies?" Ami started  
  
"It seems you already know"  
  
"Wait, you remember it?" I said with shock hidden in my voice.  
  
"Yeah," he said as he got up to file something. "It's weird how nobody remembers the war, right?"   
  
"Do you know about the gundam pilots or even how they look like?" Ami said wondering what answer she was going to get.  
  
"Sure do…there were 7 of them. Five of them were young boys and the other two were in there late twenties or even early thirties."  
  
"How come you remember it but never said anything about it?" Ami said again.  
  
"I and a couple other people were told to take an oath of silence."  
  
I finally asked a question that basically changed our lives forever. "Why are you telling us this?"  
  
"Because I know"  
  
Students began to pile in and Ami and I got out of our temporary moment of shock  
  
"Can w-we talk to you after school?"  
  
"Please," he said with a grin.  
  
When we walked out of the class we realized we just received a shock that never even crossed our minds.  
  
"He was referring to our powers wasn't he?" I said.  
  
"Yeah…but how?"   
  
Those were the only words that came out of Ami's mouth that moment. All this time we were wondering about the g-pilots when other options were never explored.   
  
Has he told the Gundam Pilots…?  
  
Were they leading us in a trap…?  
  
Was this all planned…?  
  
For the first time I felt worry…but why? I never felt it before. Is it because I'm now happy? That for once in my life, I have someone who cares just to be taken away from me. I feel so much death…so much death and destruction awaiting.  
  
I never told Ami…and I can never tell her until the end.  
  
I can never tell what I'll have to do if…  
  
This world, this chaotic world…  
  
Comes to destruction…)*  
  
*(A/N- Does this count as a cliffhanger? Anyway, just so you know I don't really know what Shinegami and Shinemegami means, hell I don't even know if it's a word. I just know it has to do with death and destruction. Also, I'm not sure if I spelled Duo's gundam right. Anyway, sorry again it took so long to get this out and thanks very much for reading.)*  
  
.:*:. Please review .:*:.  
  
  
  
" 


	6. A Puppet without Strings

*(A/N - Thanks again for the greatly appreciated reviews. I was going to wait awhile to put this chapter out but my conscious got the best of me. Just so you know this is a continuation of the last chapter's sub story. The gundam pilots and Setsuna will be in this chapter. Well words are short and I'll get to the chapter. (Thanks for reading)*  
  
"What's being said" //Thoughts// *(Flashback)*  
  
The Screen behind the Mirror - A Puppet without Strings   
  
* Disclaimer - I do not own anything but the plot of this story. *  
  
People write philosophies about many things. Some would make sense and some wouldn't. I always like to say in the end we will realize how little we truly know of life. We want to pretend we have all the answers when deep down we know nothing.   
  
.:*:.*.:*:.*:.*:.  
  
*(I lay on the deathly cold floor; some unknown force held me there. The cryptic person with the dark cloak still stood there in the isolated corner of the room. The mumbled ancient spell stopped. A deafly silence now filled the room. I noticed that I was finally able to get up, and looked around the room without moving. The person in the isolated corner decided to make an appearance and ever so gently walked over to me.  
  
"Where am I", I spoke slightly shaken up  
  
"You now reside in a land where time doesn't matter." The person spoke in a gentle tone, which made me ease up a little bit.  
  
"I am known by many names, but you can call me Setsuna."  
  
I didn't know or understand anything at that moment. Only, that I'm nowhere near earth.  
  
"I brought you down here because there is a very important matter that you will need to tend to in the distant future."  
  
"Why did you drag me here…I had to go to hell and back because of you."  
  
"Well, as I was saying there was something important that must be said, and I needed to talk to you personally no matter what the cost."  
  
"Even my life?"  
  
"I'm sorry, but yes, even your life…you see as you probably know you're not normal and shall never be."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Your destiny has already been told…you will know death but never experience it until your time."  
  
"…"  
  
"You will not die until your appointed time."  
  
"You're trying to say that I will be reborn each time that I-"  
  
"Exactly, I am sorry but that is your fate."  
  
"This is dumb…I don't-"  
  
"Just listen for a second, do you remember the ancient spell you deciphered?"  
  
"Umm…Death Reborn-"  
  
"Yes, that's the one. You have the power of silence, death, destruction, and rebirth."  
  
"So that spell was to…"  
  
"Destroy the world."  
  
"What am I?"  
  
"I don't have time to explain it to you but you are like shinemegami."  
  
"Will I be able to escape death when I use the spell?"  
  
"...No, you see…that spell is to destroy the world when it comes to chaos. If you destroy it for selfish ambitions, you will of course die along with everybody else. Your spirit will wander forever without being put to rest and will be filled with guilt. If you destroy it at the right time then you will live a world of nothingness."  
  
"Either way I lose… Am I just a damn tool to destroy this world?!"  
  
"You must go and never tell any body what you heard or saw here. Time has run out…some questions will be answered by time…and some won't, this is your fate, never forget it."  
  
I heard Setsuna say something in the process of me disappearing into god knows where, yet I couldn't tell if I was supposed to hear it or not.  
  
"Once a puppet's strings are cut it can't do anything but rot, it has no earthly use anymore..…how sad" )*  
  
.:*:.*.:*:.*.:*:.  
  
I left that place with more questions then I had in the beginning…my life seems to be like that. I have been a fool for a while; I would always claim to know people when I didn't. Hell, I don't even know myself. My life is filled with a deep lack of understanding. In the end, I only realized one thing. I do not understand the world, humanity, and even the desires that lie in the deep depths of my heart.   
  
.:*:.*.:*:.*.:*:.  
  
*( Ami and I would of went to our next class, yet we didn't. We walked to my…well our spot quietly yet our minds raced. There is no way our history teacher could have known our secret but he does. Please don't let this be the time…not yet.  
  
"I think I know," Ami said more to herself then me.  
  
I looked at her silently telling her to go on.  
  
"In the last war, like our teacher said, there were various important people whose memories weren't erased. Mainly because they knew some people wouldn't turn against them and would be there if they needed them again."  
  
"How about us?"  
  
"I'm not quite sure…maybe they knew we had powers all along but didn't do anything until they were needed. On the other hand, maybe we were some how unaffected by however way they erased all the humans memories. You see since we have powers our bodies operate differently from others."  
  
"This means we need to be extra careful around the gundam pilots. They could already know everything about us and might have already led us in some kind of trap."   
  
*Ring*  
  
"Let's go" Ami said anxious to hear how the old guy found out about us.  
  
We walked to the class at a normal casual pace. I figured I would let Ami do most of the talking since she knows more about the situation then I do. When we walked in the classroom, it was quiet and the teacher was at his desk grading papers. He casually glanced up at us and smiled. We of course didn't smile back, I did not feel like it and Ami was in a serious mood.  
  
"What's with the serious face?" The teacher said with some kind of smile still planted on his face.  
  
// Hahaha, if you only knew what we went through today because of you, // I thought to myself.  
  
Ami was about to say something but was cut off by the teacher.  
  
"Let me guess…you want to know how I know about you two."  
  
Ami and I just shook our heads.  
  
"Well, first of all you two stick out like a sore thumb. The students and teachers may not notice…but for people like soldiers who were trained to notice odd behavior and/or people…well it's just obvious. Also, before I left they told me if I see any kind of magic users to tell them. I thought they were crazy but after I got to observe you two then I knew it was true."  
  
"So they know about us-"   
  
"Wait, I haven't told anyone and I'm not planning on it. My business with them was finished a long time ago, and will remain that way. You have my word on that…promise."  
  
I looked into his eyes and could tell that he was telling the truth. I could tell Ami thought so too when her look of worry turned to relief.  
  
"Are the gundam pilots here…I saw a group of five boys that resemble them." Ami said deciding to get to the point.  
  
"Hmm…lets see, did they look like this," he said as he handed us pictures of five boys.  
  
"Exactly like that" I said.  
  
"Yep that's them…don't really know why there here though. Might be looking for magic users like you." He said as he put the pictures up.  
  
"Why are you helping us…I mean you could of turned us in, but you-."  
  
"You remind me of myself, when I look in your eyes…I see so much pain. All those organizations want is money and power. All the soldiers are like puppets, they have no use but to do what needs to be done then die. That is there destiny… I didn't want to be used like that but I had a contract, when I was released I was the happiest man alive. I said no more…No more will I be there little puppet."  
  
My mind raced when he said puppet…to the time when I talked to Setsuna and even now. Can a master cut its puppets strings and the puppet will live freely like him. He defied his master's orders and lived his own life. I want that…I want to be like that, yet I doubt I can…no I know I can never be like that.  
  
"If we have any questions…can we umm-" Ami said then was cut off by the teacher.  
  
"Of course, anytime you need help just talk to me."  
  
"Thanks Mr.-"  
  
"Why don't you call me 'Jerry'?"  
  
"Jerry?"  
  
"Yeah, always wanted to be called that."  
  
"Ok… bye Jerry."  
  
While we were leaving, I heard 'Jerry' say "just like old times" but didn't think too much of it. Things should get very interesting…yet I don't want it to.  
  
"I have a feeling we forgot something," Ami said.  
  
"What, everything's taken care of-"  
  
"Duo!!" Ami yelled and dragged me by the arm running.  
  
We ran until I saw two figures in the distance leaning casually against a car talking. They looked up and smiled. It must be Duo and umm…that guy, Quatre. All the other guys were not there which I was glad; they would just act like jacka-  
  
"Sorry about this" Ami said interrupting my thoughts.  
  
"It's ok, we were only waiting for an hour," Duo said sarcastically.  
  
"Listen I said I'm sorry-"   
  
"Why don't we just go to your apartment Ami." I said not feeling in the mood to hear arguing…yet for the first time I realized Duo and Ami looked good together. That thought made me smirk but that quickly wiped off my face.  
  
"Yeah, let's do that" Quatre said.  
  
"Ok, but before we go what took you so long" Duo said with some stupid smirk that would make other girls melt yet made Ami and I feel sick.  
  
"Sigh, it's a long story"  
  
"I have time"  
  
"I don't, let's go"  
  
"Ok, we'll follow you two," Said Quatre, quickly trying to change the subject.  
  
When Ami and I got in the car I just had to laugh.  
  
"What" Ami said in a gentle yet annoyed tone.  
  
"I didn't think you two got into fights that much."  
  
"Yeah, well for some reason it just happens that way."  
  
It didn't take that long to get there and when we did surprisingly… they fought again. It was weird, I never knew Ami could act like this; she must really dislike Duo.  
  
"You drive too slow-"  
  
"There was a police car right beside me and it was a service road…do you want me to just speed and get a ticket."  
  
"I could have talked him out of it," said Duo with that same smirk on his face.  
  
They just kept on like that; I looked at Quatre who was trying to tell Duo to shut up. I tried to calm down Ami but it didn't work out as I planned. So, I grabbed Quatre's hand.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
"Sigh, yeah"  
  
We left and let them argue; when we were inside the apartment there was an awkward silence, which Quatre broke.  
  
"Is she always like that."  
  
"No, Ami is usually quiet and gentle yet…she told me Duo got on her nerves. I just shrugged it off, yet I didn't think it was that bad."  
  
"Oh"  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Yeah pretty much so, yet I never really saw him bug a female, usually just male."  
  
"You seem different from the rest," I said more to myself then him.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Hmm…oh yeah" I said not thinking he heard that statement. "You're gentle…and seem to care more, no offense but the rest of them seem like jackasses."  
  
"Hahahaha, I guess you just need to know them a little better…in the end they're not totally bad."  
  
"Really…" I didn't know why I was even talking to this guy…I mean he's a gundam pilot. It's just he's kinder then the rest, so it makes me want to at least act somewhat kind back.  
  
"You're not as bad as I thought you were. The way Wufei talked about you, made you sound like the crypt keeper."  
  
"He talked about me." I said in a bored tone of voice  
  
"Every now and then yeah, he says you're different because you never back away when he talks to you."  
  
"Oh, it's weird to think he has a life sometimes…yet I see something in his eyes that he's to stubborn to let out."   
  
"You're very perceptive," Quatre said with a gentle smile on his face.  
  
"I guess…"  
  
The door opened and in came a tired Ami and a well, just Duo.  
  
"Are you ok Ami?" I said noticing her tired face  
  
"Sigh, yeah" she said with a smile yet I knew it was fake.  
  
"Let's get started" duo said with his same smirk.  
  
They both went to the computer and every now and then Duo would get up and help himself to the fridge.  
  
"You have nothing but junk food in here."  
  
"Is there a problem with that," Said Ami in her famous gentle voice yet there was a hint of annoyance.  
  
"Well, just thought most women would have health food and junk like that trying to loose weight."  
  
I feel it; Ami is going to get mad again. It's weird though…if anybody else said that it wouldn't bother her but when he says it, she gets angry.  
  
"You know you really should be helping me."  
  
"Jeez, can't I at least eat…and you could finish it yourself, you're smart."  
  
"So could you, you're just as smart as me."  
  
"There is difference in having the ability to do it and to lazy to do-"  
  
"You're the one who said you couldn't do it alone."  
  
"I did say that didn't I"  
  
"Duo maybe you should be quiet" Quatre said trying to get his friend out of trouble  
  
"I guess so," Duo said as he made his way to the computer. They finished most of the report and I noticed the tattoo on his arm.  
  
"What does that gundam tattoo represent?" I asked not to sound suspicious but realizing it did anyway. He looked at me which almost sent chills down my spine cause I never pictured him with a serious face. He smiled and said something I wouldn't expect.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Do you expect me to answer that?"  
  
He simply shook his head. I was going to say something until Quatre again came to Duo's rescue.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt, but It's getting late and we have school tomorrow, I think we should go."  
  
"Yeah you're right, Ami do you think you could finish the rest?"  
  
"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Ok, bye Hotaru" said duo and winked on his way out.  
  
"Bye guys" Said Quatre with a gentle smile on his face.  
  
"Bye" Ami and me said in unison.  
  
After they left Ami looked at me and smiled, I of course smiled back.  
  
"I'm so happy they left, "Ami said as she stretched.  
  
"Hahahaha, I didn't know you and Duo fought that much."  
  
"Yeah, I don't bother him; he just likes playing around because he knows he bothers me."  
  
"Sounds like love to me."  
  
Ami looked at me with a deathly cold stare.  
  
"Just kidding," I said and Ami smiled and said, "I know, me too."   
  
"I'm going home"  
  
"Already?"  
  
"Yeah I'm tired."  
  
"Or just need time to think?"  
  
"You know me too well"  
  
When I got home I immediately sat in my bed. I consider Ami my friend but I can't tell her my destiny…what I am. She's so lucky, she has powers but when she dies she'll just rest…but no matter how I die I'll always be eternally cursed. I can't tell her what I am…or what I'll have to do one day, this is my fate. I have to live my life as a puppet with strings. When they are cut I am no more…I will sit there and be forgotten and no one to remember.   
  
"Ami…will you remember…"  
  
You're the only one who cared to understand this puppet, this puppet with no life, who was meant to be eternally alone until she met you. )*  
  
.:*:.*:.*.:*:.*:.  
  
(A/N - Just so you know I put Ami and Duo arguing cause I thought it would make the story more interesting. Well sorry for the long wait and I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can. Thanks for reading.)  
  
.:*:.Please Review.:*:. 


	7. Almost Full Moon

*(A/N –I crawled out from that hole I've been in and decided to update. So very sorry it took so long, words can't explain my apologies. I just wanted to say I am really thinking of discontinuing this story. I'm not for sure because I love to write, but its hard to balance things between work, school etc. I'll try the best I can, and I want to give a thanks to all the people who stuck with this story.)*

"What's being said" //Thoughts// *(Flashback)*

_The Screen Behind the Mirror – Almost Full Moon_

~*~*~*~*~

Alone…one way to describe my pathetic life, it's where I have always been…then and now. Days of innocence long forgotten and here I am, _nowhere, no one, nothing to belong too._

.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.

*( I woke up for the second time this day realizing I'm back in the same grassy circle, which I disappeared from. I looked around without moving looking for somebody…_anybody. _Of course, no one  was around so I decided to move from these cursed woods. I walked the bleak streets aimlessly. A cold silence filled the area which causes me to shiver. The calm breeze rustling through the steady trees is somehow unnerving. I want to understand the world…_my world, but everything, everyone remains a stranger to me. I feel detached from this place, which I am supposed to call home. This is not home, when you said I could not exist when my strings are cut, you were right. I am, I will, and forever be nothing __but a puppet.)*_

 .:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.

I want to say circumstances are different, that maybe I was a little disoriented after everything then but I cannot. I used to say everybody hated me maybe from a fear of not understanding, but maybe that was a reason I would tell myself. The real reason was, they didn't want me, somewhere inside them knew I didn't belong here, as if I was an alien. It was automatic in their heads; I now know I do not belong here … I know everything wasn't a misunderstanding …but what good does it do me. 

.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.

*( _Father…where are you? Please come to me…I feel so alone…just hold me…just one time…so maybe for an instant, I could feel this world is…*(("Hotaru…don't worry, I wont hurt or leave you" "…yeah…right"))*_

I shot up from my bed w/ wide eyes, panting heavily, //that dream again, why do you torment me so//.  The events from yesterday filled my head and regret came to my spirit. I stared at my ceiling and just sat there, //that flashback from my dream was real, but why did it come back to me now…are you looking after me…father, or do you just want to hurt me more//. I was about to fall asleep again and maybe figure out an answer until the phone rang. I stared at the ceiling and slowly got up. With each step I took, my feet dragged along the cold floor. Unfortunately, I reached there in time and ever so steadily, picked up the phone.

"Hello" I say in a tired voice.

"Hey Hotaru"

"Oh…hey Ami." 

"Well nice to hear from you too… anyway, I was thinking since it's Saturday we could go out somewhere."

"That's fine"

"Umm…are you alright, you've been acting pretty weird lately."

"I'm fine," I say realizing that I have been acting distant with Ami. 

"I don't believe you"

"I wouldn't believe myself…I guess we can go somewhere and talk"

"That'll be great I'll come by around eleven…make sure you're ready." I could tell Ami was smiling, her smiles always shines through, even on the phone.

"Ok, bye"

"Bye"

I hung up the phone softly and looked at the clock that read 7:33. //Way too early//, I dragged my feet back to bed and instantly fell back to sleep.

I woke up for the second time to a heavy knock. I got up and look at the clock…11:12 //sorry Ami//.I open the door and as I expected, see an annoyed Ami.

"Sorry, I guess I overslept a little"

"It's alright, you have been under the weather lately…if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I'll get ready."

"ok" Ami sat on the couch and flicked on the television looking for something to watch. I walked to the bathroom took a long shower, brushed my teeth, etcetera and walked out in my usual attire.

"Well, where do you want to go?" I say starting to look forward to this day.

"Honestly, I don't know, I really just wanted to get out", Ami said while giving an embarrassed-like smile.

I laughed for the first time that day…maybe week, I really don't know why I did. I guess for a second it felt like old times, where I didn't think about me having to destroy this world…along with my only friend. 

"We can just drive around and see if any ideas pops up", I suggest with a smile still lingering on my face.

"Right", Ami says knowing I was starting to cheer up and forget my previous problems.

I decided to drive and we…well just drove along silently. I look as the steady trees, shopping malls, and signs pass us by. A light that could only be made by the sunlight glared through the window and a comfortable silence draws upon us.

"Do you want to eat something, I mean I haven't eaten anything all day." Ami says in a relaxed voice

"Same here, there is a restaurant over there".

"ok".

I parked in the lot and walk in, //it must be one of those seat-yourself places//. We walk around and a bad feeling came to me.

"Ami, something doesn't _feel_ right"

"You don't like this place, we can go somewhere else".

"It's not that its just, I know something is going to happen today; never mind it's nothing, we can sit over there".

"Oh, ok, are you sure" Ami says in a whisper like tone.

"Yeah".

"Well look who it is" says a casual voice behind us.

We look back and find the reason my 'bad feeling' came. There are not one, two or even three, but five gundam pilots sitting behind us, //I must be in hell//.

"Why don't you join us", Quatre said. Ami and I knew we didn't want to go anywhere near them but it would seem suspicious and rude to just walk away.

Ami sighed lightly and said, "I guess it couldn't hurt".

We sat down, ordered our food, and just waited, //this is boring//.

"This is the last place I would expect to find you", Duo says to Ami.

"Really why would you say that", Ami says in a fake nice tone. Duo and Ami talked like that, for a while…this always happens. Our bad moods are coming back and our day is pretty much ruined. Ami and Duo's relationship is weird, she hates him that's obvious but I know he doesn't hate her. I guess the only way they know how to communicate is by arguing…weird.

 I decide to observe the rest of the table. The guy with gravity-defying hair…Trowa, looks relaxed in a way, with his elbow on the table holding his chin up with his hand. Quatre and…Heero are chatting about something, which I can't hear and could care less what it is. Wufei is sitting with his arms folded, and like always, looks proud as if he can careless what anybody is saying. After a while the talking here and there ceases and its quiet. 

I look around the table once more and find myself, looking at Duo's tattoo and I quietly sigh. He looks at me and I slowly avert my eyes elsewhere.

"Hotaru…didn't you want to know about my tattoo", duo says in a smooth, calm voice which is haunting in a way.

 I am slightly shocked and really want to just move away from the subject. Everybody's at the table is staring at me, eyes burning trough my clothes, even my body. If it was any of the other pilots they would of just took note upon it but not duo, he just had to make some remark. 

"No, just curious", I say nonchalantly hoping he would just leave it like that.

"Oh…well, you asked if it was a gundam and_, yes it is"._

My head started to hurt as the others looked intensively at me as if waiting for me to say something. Ami had a calm expression but inside I knew she was worried. She opened her mouth and was about to bail me out of the hole I dug until the waiter came with our food. Ami and I smiled internally for the tension break but we were not anywhere _near happiness._

I looked at the food placed in front of me and lost all the appetite I had previously…I wanted to leave, just to get this once happy but now horrible day over with. Ami looked at me with a worried expression and I gave her a fake, weak reassuring smile. It didn't fool her as her expression remained the same and knew something was wrong. I looked at the food, slowly and ever so gently picked up the fork and took a bite. Ami did the same and that's how our meal went…more or less.

We all walked out of the restaurant and I stuck in the back. I looked beside me and saw Trowa. He was much taller than I was and gently looked down.

"Saved…", he said which I knew exactly what he meant. He was referring to the incident with Duo and me yet, there was something else he was hinting at…maybe even warning me. It was obvious from the beginning all the pilots were much taller than me and Ami for that matter, but for the first time I felt alone… small…_even… breakable_.

"I never knew they built a park over there" Ami commented quietly to herself.

"Want to go?" Quatre asked

Of course, we didn't want to go, after everything that happened. 

"Well, wouldn't want to take up your time so probably not".

"Don't worry, we have nothing to do", Duo said with a grin.

They knew we were trying to get out of it, we knew they wanted us to go to figure out if we were the ones they are looking for. When all the options were weighed, we both had something to gain from this…information.

Ami sighed and said "Hotaru?"

They were the last people we would want to stroll around in the park with, and for what it's worth, we were the last people they'd want to be with. All suffering pays off in the end…in some cases.

"Doesn't matter", I say emotionlessly.

We walk in the direction of another hell but this time Ami stuck in the back with me.

"It's like we're digging our own graves…going to yet another place with them", I say in a tired, hush-tone voice.

"I know, I really didn't want to go but we have to figure out there mission…this could be a good opportunity", Ami says then sighs. "Hotaru, what's wrong…_I'm w-worried about you."_

I never heard Ami stutter in all the time we known each other. She was truly scared that something was going to happen…she was right. Again I told a lie which I knew she would see right through.

"Everything's fine…don't worry", she looked at me and for the first time…put her hand in mine as if saying _stop lying. I wanted to dig down in the deep depths of my body and find the tears to cry and tell her the whole story…but I couldn't. _

My hands feel stained, filled with blood that will never be removed, and _now I realize it._

The pilots are not the ones who are making Ami and I distant…_it's me._

I pull my hand away from hers and stare at the ground.

//I hate being this way to you but I have to…I can't cry on your shoulder and tell you it all…_please forgive me._//

For the first time Ami looked at me understandingly… gently she slipped her silk-like hand in mine,…I held it. A mutual understanding passed through us like wind that passes through the fragile green leaves on a almost dead tree. 

I don't want to destroy…you or _your world, I have to…sorry, sorry, and sorry _again.__

I hate the way things are..._the way they must be…_

Setsuna…_please give me a little more time here…you said I will just destroy the world and die…_

Is it a crime to say that I don't want to do this…_I don't want to leave…_

Just give me a little more time…_the time I do not have…)*_

.:*:.:*:.:*:.:*:.

_Ami…I am so sorry…_

~*~*~*~*~

(A/N-Thanks for reading! Again, I am sorry for taking a century to put this out. I love writing but I am finding less time to do it. I might discontinue this story but who knows in the end I might come back and do another chapter…if I don't you should see another chapter pretty soon… _I hope )_

_~*~please review~*~_


	8. Camera Obscura

PLEASE READ AUTHOR NOTE. THIS CHAPTER MAY CONFUSE YOU IF YOU DON'T

( I decided not to discontinue my story, I want to thank the people who reviewed or just read my chapters. It puts a smile on my face when I realize people besides me can appreciate a story that is not centered around couples. The reason I wrote this story was to give a different outlook on Hotaru and Ami. I wanted to go more in depth with their character. I read some of the other fan fictions and very few stories do that. If you are confused, this story is all a flashback on the last an beginning years of Hotaru's life. They are not sailor scouts, but they do have their same powers. The gundam pilots no longer have their gundams, but they still go on missions. **_In this chapter if you did not read or do not remember the beginning of chapter's 5 and 6 it will confuse you… I guarantee._** _I recommend that you go back and read the beginning of those two chapters_. I do not want to bore you so I will get straight to the story. Again thanks so much to the people who reviewed my last chapter (you know who you are); you do not know how happy that made me to keep on writing. Thanks for reading! )

Disclaimer – I do not own anything but the plot of this story 

// Thoughts // "what's being said" (Flash back )

* * *

The Screen Behind the Mirror – Camera Obscura

( We tend to walk around this world hoping that someone will love and understand us completely, that they would cherish us no matter what our faults and failures are. I think that is everybody's dream. I wonder why people think that I would be different. I know I am destined to destroy everything, yet _what is wrong with wanting to be loved or maybe just…understood?)_

* * *

_( _Ami, the gundam pilots, and I continued to walk down the desolated street. I was stuck in my own world, so I failed to see how Ami and Heero started to find a lot in common. One minute Ami was comforting me, then the next they were talking about how big their hard drive is. Duo seemed to be intently listening, the rest just walked along as if they were not even phased by this miraculous transition of attitudes.

I felt so out of place in this crowd. I saw Quatre look back at me and smile, something I could not do at that moment. He slowed his pace, and waited for me to catch up with him. I did not want to talk to him, more or less, be near him, yet it was better him then Duo or Wufei.

"Are you ok, you seem more down then ever." 

"you should know why," I said meaner then I intended. "Sorry, that didn't come out right."

"It's ok, we all can get under the weather sometimes." Quatre looked at me and smiled again. I inspected it closely, only to realize that his intentions were genuine. I smiled back, its like the saying says, 'if you can't beat them, join them.'

I saw the park up in the distance. Another bad feeling came over me. I felt my body shiver and tremble almost violently. _// Something is going to happen. //_

"Are you ok," Ami asked as she looked back at me.

"I am fine," I felt odd as this comment caused everyone to look at me.

She walked closer to me and said a little quieter, yet the others heard anyway. "You just trembled, it seemed like something was wrong."

My head started to hurt and my mind could hardly think. // Why does this feeling feel so familiar? //

My mouth felt as dry as I desert as I tried to speak, "I was just a little cold, you know how that is." I looked up at Ami and smiled. If we were alone I knew she would say, _'but you are never cold, and it's 75 degrees out here.' _

"If you want, you could wear my jacket." Duo said with a smirk on his face. There was no way he could get me in that, it was way too big. Besides, I know that they can care less about my well-being.

"I'm fine," I said in a tone that was trying to sound nice. 

We entered the park and my headache came back with full force. Ami and Heero were still talking about computers, and other stuff while Duo looked on with a smile. Ami looked a little different, like her mind was not there. //It must be because of what happened a few minutes ago.// The rest were sitting down on a bench, enjoying the beautiful day. My knees began to feel weak and trembled, I have been walking in the sun to long. I walked to a tree and sat down in the shade.

My headache turned to a migraine …I could not even think. My hands began to glow this eerie looking green color and the same words played into my mind. She was calling me… Setsuna. I tried to regain control of myself, yet I could not. My violet eyes clouded over, as my hands stopped glowing. I got up, and _so smoothly_, my legs got up and walked over to Ami.

"Ami, I'm going to take a walk," I tried to scream, and tell her not to believe me, but I could not. That is why the feeling was so familiar. It was when something took over my body and led me to Setsuna, that day so long ago.

"Oh, I'll go with you." Ami said with a smile on her face. I wanted to say yes, but I had no control over my body or mind.

"It's ok, I just need to be alone."

Ami looked at me with worried eyes, as I turned away. I was not myself, this was not helping me hide the suspicion that flowed around me… _not in the least_.

* * *

Ami

I watched Hotaru walk away… too smoothly. She was definitely not acting herself. It started a while back when she started to act distant from me. It was as if she wanted to tell me something, but she could not. I know Hotaru has had a rough time in this lifetime, but what could be so secretive_, that she could not even tell me what is going on._

"Are you ok Ami," Duo asked shooting me back to reality.

I looked at him and said, "I am going to see if Hotaru's alright."

As I was walking away, I felt Heero's hand grip mine and say, "We can't let you do that."

"Why? What is wrong with you all, every time Hotaru and I go to do something, you all are there. Always, around me, as if you are protecting me. What is going on?!" I did not mean to sound so desperate, but it had to stop. All of this, they probably knew by now were magic users. 

By this time they all gathered around me. Wufei reached in his pocket and pulled out a white piece of paper. He looked at his comrades, and they all shook their head as if saying 'yes'. He handed me the paper. I looked at them, and their eyes looked different, they looked so serious. 

I took the paper from Wufei's hands and read it:

_Ex-pilots 01, 02, 03, 04, 05 new mission is to protect magic user, Ami Mizuno from what ever harm may come near her._

I read the paper again and again searching for some special persons name, yet could not find it. "What about Hotaru?"

"We asked if there was somebody else, but it turned out it was only you," said Duo in a serious tone.

"Why do all of you need to protect me, since you already know, I am a magic user. Anyway, you all are pilots, don't you have anything better to do."

"Actually, we're ex-pilot's and we are just following orders." Quatre said to me with serious eyes just like Duo. I was growing tired of this.

"Like some damn puppet." There looks did not change and I was not about to wait around to see it. I walked away and slowly stopped when I heard a gun click. Without turning around I sighed and said, "I don't care about my life, but I do about Hotaru's… what do you want." 

I felt Duo walk up to me smoothly and say "Funny, I bet she would say the same. We know you have the power of water, but what about Hotaru."

I turned around to face them. " I know that is not all you want, I am not an idiot. As soon as I tell you, what are you going to do?"

"Hmph, accomplish this mission and leave," Wufei said with ego to big for his body.

"This will go a lot smoother if you just come with us. I know you do not want to lose conscious at a time like this," Trowa said obviously wanting to get this over with. 

I looked at Heero's tranquilizer gun still pointed at me. They were right, it was not going to do me or Hotaru any good if I was knocked out.

"I am not leaving Hotaru here."

"We will come back for her," Duo said.

"I don't believe you."

Quatre stepped forward and said, "We promise, believe me, I do not want to see her hurt either."

This surprised me, but for some reason when I looked in his eyes, I could tell he was telling the truth. 

"Sigh, ok." I did not want to go, but since I was miles from home, had no car keys with me, and did not sense Hotaru anywhere near here, I decided to go with them. Anyway, five against one is impossible to beat. As we were walking to their car, only one thought clouded my mind.

_This must be the end._

* * *

Hotaru

As soon as Ami and the gundam pilots were out of sight, my body ran through the rose bushes, and everything imaginable. The thorns tore my dress as I felt blood seep through my skin. I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I could not, _I had control over nothing._

My body leaped down a hill and again I found my self in a circle surrounded by trees. A breeze swept over me as the wind flirted with the gentle grass. I regained control of my body, and again, I fell into Setsuna's mysterious world of the dead.

I woke up and saw Setsuna's face in the distance, my body ached so much.

"Why do you keep doing this to me!? Can't you just zap me here or something."

"Sorry, the only way for you to see me is for you to be dead. Anyway, this is only the second time" Setsuna had a serious look on her face.

"Why can't everything be different? Is there another way for me to get past destroying this world…I don't…"

"I know you do not want to do this, I know all your feelings." Setsuna looked at me with sympathy in her eyes, she was not lying.

"What will happen if I don't destroy it at all?"

"Didn't we go through this last time." 

"Yeah, but you told me what time I would have to destroy it, not _if_ I don't destroy it."

"If you do not destroy the world, then it will be destroyed anyway along with humanity, but they will not be reborn again. That is why _you have too."_

"I don't get it…."

"Your ultimate move is called _Death Reborn Revolution _because only you have the power to destroy and have this world start over again. I do not want to see everything die and not have the chance to start over. I hoped you would understand in time, that is why I did not tell you this before…It was too early." 

"I think I see what you are saying, I am saving it…that is why you wanted me to destroy it at the right time. If I wait too long, it will be destroyed without any hope of rebirth."

"Will you do it?"

"Yes, if I have to, but… can Ami be reborn, and everybody else?"

"In time yes …but remember, you will never be reborn or rest in peace. You will live in a world of nothingness. That is the price of using this move. Are you still up to it?"

I nodded my head. I have lived too long anyway, but with Ami, _decades can turn to minutes._

"You must remember that you cannot tell anybody this, if you do then everything will be ruined."

"That means that… the gundam pilots will still think of me as a threat. Ami will still think that I am hiding something, and the whole world will still hate and despise me. I hope I am doing the right thing…

I wanted to think that everything will turn out all right, but _nothing_ in my life has ever been easy.

_Would the world want to start all over again?_

_Maybe the people who live here do not want to be reborn._

_How can I decide to do this thinking that everyone will agree with my decision?_

_I never wanted to be here, but maybe they feel the same way I do._

_How can Setsuna and I decide their destiny without their consent._

As if Setsuna read my mind she said, "I do not know if the world or the people would want to start over, but I hope this is the best…_for the future_. I will see you soon."

I wanted to ask Setsuna more questions, but before I could utter a syllable, I began to fade away. As I regained conscious, my body began to hurt like hell. My previous problems shot back like rapid lightning, and then in the darkness of the night, I realized I was surrounded by everything… 

_Yet…_

_ Nothing…_

_ alone again…_

* * *

( Well, that's it for now, I hope I didn't confuse you too much. I just thought some of the things in this story should be cleared up before I got farther into the storyline. Many writers assume that the readers know what is going on in their stories, when the readers have no clue what the writer is trying to say. I know how that is and I try my best to make sure everything is clear. So, if you are lost in any of this story, or if I did not explain something enough, tell me. If you read the beginning of chapter's 5 and 6, you probably were not confused in this chapter. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and again I want to thank all the people who review, or even take the time out to read my story. Ta-Ta for now. )


	9. In the Shadow, In the Light

_( A/N - Yep, I haven't fell of the face of the earth and died, even though my story has now formed a greenish-black mold on it. Sorry for taking so long, I realized I should crawl out of the dark cave I have seemed to coop myself up in (This chapter will be in different point of views by the way). I was reading through my previous chapters and realized that some of the ideas did not connect. Mainly, because I am basically making this up as I go, and I tend to ignore some of the things I have said which I don't like. Anyway, on to the story! )_

**The Screen Behind the Mirror - In the Shadow, In the Light**

_Thoughts (without quotes)_

"Talking"

* * *

**_Hotaru _**

I can remember laying in the stillness of the night…_but maybe that was a dream_. I remember Ami always saying, _I'll always be there for you_… but maybe I dreamt that too. All I know for sure is that all I have is myself and no one else, not even Ami can change that. From this point on, I cannot think in the past or the present there is only the future, _if there will be one._

* * *

I tried to stand up but I couldn't. My legs had a lot of cuts and bruises on them. My black dress was tattered and torn, and blood slowly trickled all over my body. 

When I tried to heal myself, nothing came… my powers must be taking a while to come back sinceI was just ressurected…_I think._

"What am I going to do… my powers have took a vacation, and I feel so weak that I cannot even get up…_how can I be reduced to this."_

I casually crawled against a tree and tried to seek shelter from the _only_ world that I will _destroy._

* * *

**_Ami _**

The gundam pilots split up at the park. Trowa, Quatre and Wufei stayed behind to search for Hotaru. Duo and Heero took me to my apartment and sat at my small table talking about who knows what. I found myself looking at the television lost in thought. Everything that has happened so far seems so much like a dream. _Who would of thought that both of us knew everything about each other from the start?_

Gosh Hotaru, what can be keeping you… I just hope you are all right, _it is already midnight_, and we haven't heard a word from you or the other gundam pilots.

In the pit of my stomach, there was a huge wad of guilt for leaving Hotaru behind. I kept on running through my mind ways I could of avoided this mess and saved Hotaru.

_They would of shot me with a tranquilizer gun the minute they saw me chanting one of my spells. That would of done me no good, but I can't just sit here like a bump on a log!_

I shifted a little to loudly and immediately felt the tranquilizer gun on my back.

"Geez, think I'm going to run off."

"Knowing you, yeah," Duo said with his stupid smirk.

_Yep, that's why I'm still here… this is not the best time to be hit in the butt with a sedative._

* * *

**_Hotaru_**

I woke up from my light sleep when I heard footsteps in the distance. I saw a figure getting closer and closer. It turned out to be Wufei. He looked at me and suddenly lost his composure. He stood there like a deer caught in the headlights with his mouth open from shock…and maybe _worry?_

"Oh my gosh… Hotaru, what the hell happened to you!"

"Be careful Wufei, you sound a little too worried there."

He regained his composure in his own way, and came closer to me…closer than I wanted.

"Hmph, I'm serious… Quatre, Trowa and I have been looking for you all day. Now, when I find you, you're all battered up and your dress is even torn…_I demand to know what happened!!"_

"Hmph, don't try now to act like you care, because _I know_ you don't. Anyway, I am still alive, but more importantly, _where's Ami?"_

Wufei was silent for a while and looked at the ground, a dark shadow prevented me from seeing his eyes. It seemed as though he wanted to say something but stopped himself. He looked up a little, and I saw his eyes… it looked like he was annoyed. He dug in his pocket and pulled out a thin strip of paper. I took the paper _(slightly hesitantly)_ and read it. Wufei spoke again, after it seemed like a long silence.

"That's are mission in a nutshell, Duo and Heero are watching over Ami at her apartment."

_It all makes sense… all along they've known..._

_Ami…is this **really** the end…?_

* * *

**_Ami_**

"What are you going to do to Hotaru andme when this mission is over?" I was tired of the silence and thinking which got me nowhere with trying to figure out how to help Hotaru.

"Don't know," Heero stated bluntly as Duo walked over to the counter and rested his elbow on it.

"You see, right now we know just about as much as you do," Duo stated with his famous grin.

"I don't know anything," I stated without thinking, then suddenly realized what they were trying to say. Duo read my mind and for the first time smiled gently at me.

"Then why do you even try to go through with this if you don't even know what you are protecting me from."

"Hehe, kinda futile isn't it?" Duo said with his normal smirk.

"It's all just a mess, and we're supposed to be the ones to figure it out… that's where you and Hotaru come in" Heero again stated bluntly.

"Maybe now you can shed a little light on us about Hotaru's power," Duo stated walking a little bit closer to me.

"It's all about Hotaru… Are you implying that you all are protecting me from the only person I trust in this _whole damn world!"_ I don't know why I got angry…maybe deep inside me there was a voice that said they were right… I just don't want to admit it.

"Maybe those are the ones you have to watch out for," Heero stated a little quietly.

Finally, when the puzzle seems to come together, I feel that I have no idea what to make of it. _It doesn't matter…I trust Hotaru with my life… she will never do anything to hurt me…right?_

* * *

**_Hotaru_**

"Now that's cleared up, tell me-"

"Wait, who gave you this mission, was it Jerry?"

"Dr. J…how did you know!?"

_I see… the teacher said that he had no intention of turning Ami and I into any of the organizations, but the pilots always did missions for him in the past. Why didn't we piece this together. Even though the organizations wanted him to turn us in, he wouldn't. He had his own personal objective on what to do with us…how could I be so blin-_

"Hotaru!" A voice broke my thought when I saw Quatre and Trowa jogging over to me. I looked down at myself and finally realized that I looked really bad…_How am I going to get myself out of this one._

"Wufei what happened here?" Trowa stated with a hint of concern when he reached me.

"Don't ask me, she refused to tell me…" Wufei stated as he looked to the side as if something caught his attention.

Quatre bent down and looked at all my cuts and bruises, then at my eyes. His eyes looked worried... like the rest, except for the fact that he didn't even bother trying to hide it.

"_This is bad_…I promised Ami I would not let anything happen to you and _now look…"_ Quatre looked at Wufei and Trowa to see if he knew anything and both just shrugged their arms. Quatre looked at me straight in the eyes with a stare filled with pity. He spoke again in a very gentle tone as if trying not to startle me, almost like I was a Gazelle fixing to run off at the slightest sound.

_"So what did happen…**Firefly**…?"_

* * *

**_Ami_**

As I turned my head to the TV, of course not watching it, mind kept on tracking back to what Duo and Heero said.

_What reason would Hotaru have for betraying me…it just doesn't make any sense._

Ami, are you just going to stare at the TV, or tell us Hotaru's power." Duo said as he walked straight over to the couch and sat really close to me.

"Tell you what?" I asked forgetting the previous conversation.

"Hotaru, everything or at least what you know about her," Heero stated in a tired voice.

"Can we forget about that for a second and go to the park, or at least call Trowa or someone and ask if they have found Hotaru; they have been there all day!" I know I sounded angry, but at this moment, _I didn't care…_ I just wanted to see if Hotaru was all right.

I looked at both of them and knew they agreed with me. Heero walked over to the phone and dialed a number _(silence)._ He put down the phone and did the same thing two more times_…(more silence)._ He put the phone down for good and shook his head.

Never had I felt so worried about someone…never.

* * *

**_Hotaru_**

Trowa, Wufei and Quatre looked at me intently waiting for me to say something. For the strangest reason, I trembled again, and looked down as if I just wanted to _go away_ forever…all three of them picked up on the message and Trowa spoke.

"Let's just go, I'm sure Ami has worried enough about you," Trowa said again in a slightly worried, but mostly tired voice. The rest nodded their heads.

_"Can you walk…?"_ Quatre said again gently, yet with a worried and curious voice.

I looked down at the grass…I did not want any of them to know that I was weaker than a newborn kitten at the time. _It's just so unlike the cold-hearted, world-hating Hotaru._

I sighed again, and suddenly felt a pair of hands _(gently as they could)_ scoop me up like I weighed an ounce. I looked up nonetheless to see none other than Wufei.

The rest looked at him with wide eyes, as if they had _never_ seen _this_ type of contact from him before.

Again he looked away and said "Lets just go, this isn't the best place or time to have a conversation."

Quatre looked at his friend curiously, then smiled and said almost quietly _"You do care…don't you…?"_

Wufei just sighed and kept on walking like he never heard Quatre's comment,_ even though I knew he did._

I, for the first time, listened to hear a retaliation, but surprisingly, _I heard silence_. Trowa just kept on walking, but I detected a slight smirk forming on his mouth. I suddenly felt a little worried and finally spoke again, _seeing as my cold-hearted reputation was going down the drain._

"W-wait, don't I have some kind of say so on this matter… I barely know what happened?" I said squirming slightly in Wufei's arms.

"You want to see Ami... _right?"_ Trowa said as he glanced at me from the corner of his eyes with a smirk that was _not_ like him at all.

"Don't worry, when you get back we'll bandage you up so you and Wufei don't have to get used to this," Quatre said for the first time with another gentle smile on his face.

"Then maybe we could see who did this to you…it might finally give us a clue so we can finish up this mission," Wufei stated and looked down at me then looked back up… I looked at him, Trowa, then Quatre. I felt Wufei hold on to me again a little tighter…never had I felt so awkward_…so...small..._

For the first time since I met these guys, I suddenly came upon a realization…

_These guys, except Quatre ( the onlyperson in the group who does not fear to admit his feelings), are maybe a step above jackasses…_

**_Just a step…_**

**_

* * *

_**

_(A/N: yeah, I know I probably overplayed the romance part in this chapter, but as I read it without it, it sounded…blah. (yeah…I know they were probably out of character**…but oh well**) I think it made the chapter more interesting, but still, I will not put couples in this story…romance maybe…but no couples. Hoped you liked it, and also **hope** it doesn't take another century to get the next chapter out.)_

**_Review_**


	10. Out From the Deep

_**(A/N**__ – This is long, but please read it. Ok, I know and I am sure that no one remembers this story and maybe not even sailor moon or gundam wing, and yes, I know its 2009 and 4 years have gone by since this story was last updated. I have been checking in on this story every now and then and I really wanted to continue it. That's why I picked up this moldy story and decided to finish it, even if I am the only person who reads it. It is more satisfying to me to know that 6 years ago I started it and 6 years later, I picked it back up to work on finishing it. It has been a long time since I have wrote a story like this, so if my writing style is different, than I am sorry, but as your personality changes, your writing style changes with it. I went from being slightly depressed to happy go lucky, hehe. I cannot help it, just a fact of writing. On with the story!)_

The Screen Behind the Mirror – Out From the Deep

_Thoughts (without quotes)_

"Talking"

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

I think we go through life thinking we are alone… We go through life thinking we are the only ones who have ever felt pain. It is all a lie… If we only took the time to open our eyes, then we would realize that there are people right in front of us who have formed bonds with us… people who care so much that they will lay down their own life….

Ami… I did not want to realize this too late, but I am afraid I have…

_Please_ forgive me….

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ami

The wordless sounds from the TV went unnoticed to everyone… We haven't heard from Hotaru and the other pilots and I was starting to pick up that Heero and especially Duo were worried.

"Look, lets just go to the park and see if we can find them, I have a feeling something bad happened, it isn't like them to go this long without any contact with us," I said hoping to get through to them.

There was short period of silence until Heero spoke up.

"It's best to stay here, they will be here soon." I couldn't believe that even after all this time has passed, Heero is still telling us to stay here! I started to get angry and was about to speak up when I heard an unexpected reaction from Duo

"Stay Here!? We left them at 6:00 in the evening, it is 1:00 in the morning and you are still telling us to stay here!?" My eyes widened… I looked in Duos eyes and saw an expression I haven't seen, or maybe didn't want to see before… _He really did care. _Feeling that I finally had someone on my side, I found myself butting into their argument unable to stay silent.

"I don't know and frankly I don't care if you are or are not worried about the other pilots Heero, but Hotaru has been in the park for too long, I cannot just sit on my butt knowing that no one has been able to contact us! If you aren't going to check on them than I-" I was interrupted by Duo.

"Ami, you stay here…Honestly, I am not that worried about the pilots… They can take care of themselves… I am worried about Hotaru. She didn't seem like her self… I barely know her and _even I_ could tell that… you might get hurt if you-"

"Look, you can't tell me to sit here any longer and just wait for her, I am _not as weak_ as you think. How can you say you care about Hotaru when every single time I tried to tell you guys to check up on her you _always_ gave me an excuse… Now you're telling me that you are worried about her? You expect me to believe that!?"

I know I sounded mean… I didn't want to because I knew Duo really did care about Hotaru and Me a lot. I never saw it until now, but something inside me knew that he was worried. I looked over at Heero and really started to realize that his face never did show any sort of emotion.

"I'm sorry Ami…" Duo grabbed his coat and was about to go out the door until, we were interrupted by a phone call… Duo stopped in his tracks and looked at Heero… Heero answered the phone and for the first time… _I _started to shiver _violently_…

_Something is wrong…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei

"Is she asleep?" Trowa asked while driving.

"More like knocked out…. I can't believe this happened…" Wufei said with a deep sigh.

"Her injuries are so bad… I don't know what could have happened to her. All that time, I tried to downplay her injuries so she wouldn't be worried…" Quatre said while looking out the window.

"Damn! It doesn't make any sense… We checked the forest up and down, every little inch. I was starting to think that she just snuck home, but it's like she appeared out of nowhere..." Wufei said obviously annoyed at the circumstances.

"I don't like this… It isn't going to be easy to go back to Ami with Hotaru in this condition…" Trowa said while looking in his rear-view mirror.

"I told Ami we would protect Hotaru… Hotaru may not have been our mission… but I _really_ wanted to protect her…Now look…This isn't going to be an easy one… Hotaru needs a doctor, _fast" _Quatre said.

"Hmph, I don't understand why five pilots are needed to protect one girl, when the one who appears to be in the most danger is sitting here _bleeding _right in front of our eyes… Is it even _possible_ to bring a magic user to a doctor…" Wufei said in a quieter tone.

_Silence…_

"We need to take her to Ami first, she won't like what she sees, but that's our only choice, we can't expose a magic user to civilians… who knows what would happen…" Trowa said after a long silence.

Quatre looked at his cell phone and knew what had to be done… "It looks like Heero and Duo have already tried to reach us… I guess I'll do the honors…_sigh"_

The phone's ring sounded throughout the car. It was finally ended with an emotionless "Hello".

"Heero, this is Quatre… _We have some bad news_…"

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Ami

Heero picked up the phone while Duo and I went to the counter, but all we could hear from Heero's end of the conversation was a bunch or "mmm hmms". Heero didn't show any emotion until one statement that caused even the emotionless Heero to say a slightly shocked…"_What?"_ Heero hung up the phone than looked at Duo, than me.

"Ami, I know you were trained in the Medical field… Do you have any medical supplies?" Heero said in a serious tone.

"M-medical supplies…? What happened!" I stumbled… I knew it… I just knew it, something happened. I said as I stared at Heero and saw how Duo looked on wide-eyed in disbelief

"Hotaru… They don't know what happened… The whole afternoon they looked in the park for her. Apparently, she just "appeared" out of nowhere. Quatre said by looking at her wounds, it doesn't look like it was inflicted by humans or animals…" Heero's voice was emotionless and I… for the first time… found myself for a loss of words…Tears began to form at the back of my eyes, Duo looked at me with pity and worry and finally snapped out of it and spoke up.

"what kind of injuries were they than? Do they know what did it?"

"That's the problem… they can't really identify…" Heero stopped and looked at the door.

In came Trowa… than Quatre, and finally, to my horror, I saw Wufei carrying an unconscious and bloody Hotaru… the tears finally began to _fall down my face…_

"W-why… You all promised that you would protect her… Y-you all are failures… you lied to me…"

I slowly snapped out of it and signaled Wufei to take Hotaru to my bedroom and ran to get medical supplies… I thought back and realized that I couldn't remember the last time I cried… I didn't know or care how the pilots looked at me after that moment, but I knew I could sense a heavy load of guilt flowing through all of them.

Wufei laid Hotaru on the bed and I got the supplies and finally took a good look at her… and before I knew it… I fell to my knees and burst out crying along her bedside… Gathering my strength to save my best friends life, I held her hand and luckily felt her pulse was faint but still there. Blood seeped through her clothes and knew what had to be done. I started cleaning her wounds and signaled the guys out while I changed Hotaru into a small, white and pink nightgown (which caused only a slight and quick smile from me, since I could just hear her protesting about it when she woke up). Regardless, It was all I had and I knew it would make things easier when I needed to change her bandages…

I now know that you never know how much someone means to you until they are nearly taken away…

_I can't let this happen again… I won't… _

The tears at the back of my eyes threatened to fall again, but I was motivated by a newfound strength… I looked at Hotaru and saw _she was fighting back_… _I knew_ she was going to make it.

I never saw it before… but I realized just _how strong_ Hotaru is… I didn't know what happened to her at the park, but I knew_… It was something out of this world… _

While Hotaru laid there resting peacefully, I thought about the gundam pilots in the other room… I knew they were not leaving and I couldn't coop myself inside hoping they would. I washed my face, but still noticed my red eyes didn't go away. I finally remembered calling them failures and started to feel a bit of anxiety going back into the living room to give them and update. I took a deep breath, walked in and slowly saw five pairs of eyes glance at me with curiosity and guilt…

_Please God... Give me strength… _

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_(__**A/N**__ - Well that's it for now, I have a pretty good Idea how the next chapter is going to go, so I think I should have it out pretty soon. I have to say that I will prob put couples or at least imply romance in this story. I know I said in the past that I wouldn't, but I changed my mind =b. If you read the story and liked it, or didn't like it, I would ask if __**you would review**__ so I have an idea if this story is really worth resurrecting (knowing me, ill resurrect it anyway). Hope you enjoyed the read and I'll try to get the next chapter out soon =b )_


	11. Between Mind & Heart

( A/N – I'm not going to spend anytime blabbing on this time. I think this chapter should spice things up a bit… New revelations are revealed to Ami about Hotaru's purpose. On to the story! )

The Screen Behind the Mirror – Between Mind & Heart

*( Flashback)*

_Thoughts _ (without quotes)

"Talking"

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Ami**

As I stepped out of the room and saw the pilots staring at me with wonder, I must admit that I wanted to turn around and avoid this whole conversation. Inside I felt that Hotaru's status didn't concern them, especially after the questionable circumstances of how she got the injuries still up in the air. I quickly searched for the words to say and right before I was about to open my mouth, Quatre spoke up.

"How is she…?"

"She is doing a lot better, especially with her healing powers considered… I don't have a clue what happened to her though…" I said than later realized I let one of Hotaru's powers slip out.

"_Healing_…. Are you guys sure you didn't notice _anything _weird at all while you were in the park?" Duo said curiously.

"That's the whole problem, with those types of injuries that Hotaru has acquired, there is no way she could have been that hurt without us finding out a thing in that tiny park… When we asked her she wouldn't tell us anything…" Wufei said obviously frustrated at all the circumstances that occurred tonight.

The gundam pilots talked like that for a minute or two until I noticed how quiet I have been. Heero finally stood up.

"We should go and let you and Hotaru rest up, I am sure there are a lot of things that we all need to think about," Heero said.

My mind didn't let me immediately answer. Quatre and Duo looked at me as if to ask if I will be alright, but with all the circumstances that happened tonight, they held their tongue. I didn't know what to tell them after this. I looked at the pilots and noticed how tired they were…but I felt a very faint air of worry-guilt flow through them. As they got their coats and were about to leave, I finally found the words and spoke up. They all stopped and looked back at me…

"Umm… I am sorry for what I said earlier… I know you all can tell that I don't trust you…but I have a feeling you really tried your best to find and help Hotaru. I haven't picked up any hint of malicious intent in this room. I feel that you all try to hide your emotions to some degree for whatever reason, but in the end… I know you all were worried about Hotaru…"

For the first time since I have been with the pilots, _I felt the air in the room lighten up…_

"Ami… there is a lot about us you probably don't know about, but when it gets to the very root of everything… we _aren't heartless_ as you might think," Duo said with a genuine smile on his face.

"The piece of paper you saw today doesn't define us _or_ our mission. I don't know what happened tonight, but it is something that we all want to find out and make sure it doesn't happen again to anyone… _especially_ _Hotaru_," Trowa added which surprised me.

"We should go Ami, please rest up and keep us posted on Hotaru's status, it has been a long day for all of us," Quatre spoke with a smile. I nodded my head and watched as everyone walked out. With a close of the front door, I found myself somewhat relieved.

I went to lock the door and finally realized it was two o'clock in the morning and I was dead tired. I took another look at Hotaru and saw her sleeping like a baby. I changed into a nightie and sat on the couch. I stretched out and thoughts clouded my mind. The comments the pilots said were genuine… _but I feel so confused_. I don't know what to think about this sudden turn of events, but the main question is what happened to Hotaru this evening? Hotaru acted weird all day, and I can never forget the _trance- like_ state she walked away with in the park. I want to blame the pilots, but at the same time, I feel slightly grateful for them. Finally, my mind quieted and the tiredness I felt throughout the day caught up to me.

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**Ami **– (Finally, after 4 chapters we are on to the next day, which is Sunday =b)

I slowly opened my eyes, only to be welcomed by the beating sun on my face… I looked at the clock and noticed it was 1:17 on a Sunday afternoon. Thoughts of the previous night came rushing to my head and I got up to check on Hotaru. Her state remained unchanged and I started to wonder if she was in a comatose state. Regardless, I cleaned her wounds again, but noticed they were faint and nearly gone. It caused a smile to play on my lips knowing she was going to be ok.

As I walked around I heard my tummy talk to me and realized that I hadn't had a thing to eat since yesterday afternoon. I fixed a quick bowl of cereal and thought about what I was going to do today.

I was surprised to realize how close I was to Hotaru. Today is usually a day we sleep in and go out later on. Unfortunately, with her out like this, I started to wonder what I did before we met to occupy my time from boredom.

I knew I had so much to think about from the previous night. I did want to go to the park again to see if I can find anything out, but with Hotaru like this, I feel it is safer to stay here with her. It was really starting to turn into one of those days where you wanted something to do, but at the same time, you _didn't feel like doing anything_. As soon as I was about to fall asleep again, I heard the phone ring.

"Hello?" I said curiously.

"Hey Ami, this is Duo"

_For once I'm actually quite glad to hear from Duo _"Oh, hey there, Duo".

"We we all wondering how Hotaru was holding up."

"Well… her wounds are nearly gone, but she is still unconscious, I am not sure when she will wake up, but I have a feeling she will be ok".

"That's good to hear. I also wanted to apologize for yesterday… You kept on telling us on the couch to check on Hotaru but-"

"It's ok Duo… It is in the past right now. I really don't want to dwell on it. Deep down inside I have a feeling even if we were there; it wouldn't have made a difference on what happened to Hotaru."

"_You think so_… Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa are confused on all what happened. They keep on saying how they looked over and over only for her to suddenly appear out of nowhere wounded when they were about to give up."

"That's the problem…I don't know what happened to Hotaru either… her wounds seemed more like they were self-inflicted… almost like she was running through thorn bushes and tree branches."

"We are going to go to the park and the surrounding area again to see if we can figure something out. Let us know if anything happens with Hotaru's health."

"Ok, Bye".

After I hung up I felt it was weird for Duo and I to have such a conversation with no animosity at all. It made me really start to think that our relationships with the pilots are slowly changing to something more pleasant… _if we like it or not._

I stretched out on the couch again and started to yawn. Suddenly, a previous conversation I had with Hotaru a while back came to my mind. I sat upright as I struggled to remember. As I slowly remembered, I started to really wonder if Hotaru's wounds might have been inflicted by something seriously _out of this world._

_I think it was a month after we met… we were in our spot in the woods behind the school… and she asked me something… what was it again…?_

*( _The wind was so gentle that day…and I remember looking at Hotaru and noticed a faraway look in her eyes…_

"Is there something on your mind Hotaru?"

"You noticed?" Hotaru said with a slight chuckle… than she turned serious… "I actually have a question."

"As you know I'm an open book" I said with a smile.

"It may sound strange but… Have you ever disappeared to a place… well… out of this world in a violent way…"

_Silence_

"O-out of this world? Violently?" _I remember looking at Hotaru curiously, but her faraway glance didn't change… she didn't answer so I spoke up again._

"I guess not from what I recall…Have you?" I said with curious look.

"Who knows…"

_The wind that day continued to blow and at the time I thought nothing of it… at least at that time…)*_

Out of this world… I know Hotaru has been reborn… maybe she was referring to that?

Finally… I remembered what Hotaru's true powers are. Powers that may have aligned her to do something which might be her true purpose… Another previous conversation popped in my mind which solidified my worries…

*( "Ami… _do you ever feel like a puppet_… That your powers were given to you to do something of _someone else's will_?"

"A puppet… not really, but why would you say for someone else's will? We are our own people Hotaru. No one can tell us how we may or may not use our powers."

"…Yeah… I guess you are right.")*

I violent chill came over me when I finally realized the only power Hotaru has ever used was her healing power. I thought it was because she didn't want to use the others… but now I realize that in Hotaru's world… unleashed and unmatched power has _always flowed within her. _

_She is like me… yet she isn't._

I have always _known_ her powers… _but never understood_… why did it take me this long…

_Why???… _

I went over to Hotaru's bedside and _started to cry…_ because now I had a feeling of her true purpose… A purpose someone would have to of been born with those powers…

_Those deadly powers…_

_That she possess…_

"_**Death……Destruction…… Rebirth**_**"**

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**(** A/N: Well that's it for now. A lot of questions need to be answered have popped up in poor Ami's mind. Finally Ami feels a bit safer with the pilots but now she is slowly starting to worry about Hotaru. What is to become this friendship? Honestly, I don't know yet =b. I am making the story up as I go, so if you have any suggestions about who you want to see more dialogue from or any comments or questions about the story, feel free to ask. Hope you enjoyed the read!)

~'*'~ Review ~'*'~


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